And with grace...

L-O-N-G overdue update

2010-02-21T15:12:00.003-06:00

Shall I hang my head in shame for not updating this blog in a year's time? Or shall I rest in the fact that "no news means good news?" Since hanging my head does no good, I simply will claim option 2 and proceed with the post.

Since I last met you (sounds like a good lead in to a movie mystery.....), I have twice been seen by both my radiation and medical oncologists. I see them every six months, but they have the appointment rotation arranged so that I am being seen by one of them every 3 months.

And...........no news is GOOD news! All of my labs and check ups over the past year have been positive, with no sign of a recurrence of the cancer that first came on the scene 4 years ago. The only issue of note over the past year is that my bloodwork came back last summer with me exhibiting a Vitamin D deficiency. Three months of gigantic, teal colored Vit. D capsules later, my labs showed a marked response to the supplement. Right now, I continue on a much lower maintenance dosage to keep my numbers up. Dr. Holmes feels that there is significant evidence to show that Vit. D plays a role in preventing breast cancer from returning. So, taking one tiny pill a day isn't a problem.

My last visit to Dr. Holmes' office was at the end of January. There was great euphoria in the exam room as I was able to record a 15 pound weight loss since my previous visit 6 months ago. Hugs all around and an exclamation of "Less is more!"......it's nice to make your doctor happy, in addition to knowing you are doing something to be proactive towards better health.

I've realized something interesting recently.......

This year's anniversary of my initial diagnosis passed without my remembering. Wow. I didn't think that would ever happen. January is "the" month, but I find it interesting that the exact date, which had been ever present in my mind in Januarys of the past, came and went this year without recollection. This is progress. I wonder if other cancer-related milestones will follow suit and fade from memory as the years progress? I can only trust that as God graciously allows me to grow older, my mind will store those memories farther and farther away.

So, life goes on. I keep doing the things I am supposed to do to stay healthy and continue to trust in God's infinitely better plan for my life! Without Him, I would have given up long ago!

Too long between postings

2009-02-05T01:11:00.003-06:00

Praise, my soul, the King of Heaven;

To His feet thy tribute bring.

Ransomed, healed, restored, forgiven,

Evermore His praises sing:

Alleluia! Alleluia!

Praise the everlasting King.
Praise Him for His grace and favor

To our fathers in distress.

Praise Him still the same as ever,

Slow to chide, and swift to bless.

Alleluia! Alleluia!

Glorious in His faithfulness.

Fatherlike He tends and spares us;

Well our feeble frame He knows.

In His hands He gently bears us,

Rescues us from all our foes.

Alleluia! Alleluia!

Widely yet His mercy flows.

Frail as summer’s flower we flourish,

Blows the wind and it is gone;

But while mortals rise and perish

Our God lives unchanging on,

Praise Him, Praise Him, Hallelujah

Praise the High Eternal One!

Angels, help us to adore Him;

Ye behold Him face to face;

Sun and moon, bow down before Him,

Dwellers all in time and space.

Alleluia! Alleluia!

Praise with us the God of grace.

The words of this hymn are flowing through my mind tonight, as I think over the events of the day. I had a routine appointment today with Dr. Holmes. This appointment capped off a week of medical appointments: a blood draw last week, a mammogram yesterday, and Dr. Holmes office today. All routine events, but still "must-dos." "Must-dos" in order to find out what is happening deep inside of me. My neighbor and I discussed this very thing on Monday while we chatted at the mail box. He has been undergoing treatment for colon cancer, and he was relaying the good news of his latest GOOD report from his doctor. We discussed how, even though we feel perfectly well, we still don't know for sure if there is any unseen activity. It's a rather creepy feeling, to tell the truth. It's a true test of one's faith. And, as hard as we all try, some times those tests are harder than others. Today was one of those days.

I spent the day trying to stay relaxed. After all, I had been through this sort of thing many times before. But, today, I was having a harder time. I was very distracted and found it hard to focus all day long. I arrived at the appointment a bit early and stayed in the car, reading for a bit. I was taken into the exam room fairly quickly, after barely making it through half a magazine. I was expecting to see Nurse Janice for this appointment, but I heard Dr. Holmes familiar knock on the door. She bounded into the room with a set of red, felt Valentine hearts on her head, attached by a red headband! That's why I love this doctor; she knows exactly what the patient needs when in her office..........laughter!
Anyway, once I stopped laughing, Dr. Holmes asked me the usual questions about how I was doing. Then she gave me all of my paperwork and lab results - all of which she pronounced "100% perfect!" Whew. I could almost feel my pulse drop. I wanted to hug her but thought that might be a bit much, so we chatted through the rest of the appointment. And then, I was done. As quickly as I got in, I was finished. I think it was the quickest appointment ever. There was nothing else to do. So, I sent the news via text message to Michael, who is traveling, and headed home. Yes......often my frame is feeble. I am grateful for the loving hand of my Father who gently bears me when I need it.

I realized as I began my post here, tonight, that I haven't posted since Colleen passed away. In fact, she commented on my last post. Oh, how I miss her. I miss being able to share these good reports with her, for she always knew exactly what I was feeling and always knew exactly what words to say. Her e-mails and cards are quite precious to me now. How her family must miss her, too. I think of them often and continue to pray for their comfort in their sadness. And I am sure that they rejoice with me in knowing she is no longer sick or in pain but instead sits in the presence of her beloved Savior!

No more night.

No more pain.

No more tears.

Never crying again.

And praises to the great "I AM."

We will live in the light of the risen Lamb.

(excerpt from one of my favorite anthems, "No More Night")

I have 3 months until my next appointment with the radiation oncologist (6 mo. rotation) and 6 months until I meet with Dr. Holmes again. I will try to remember to check in again in May. I suppose that needing to remember to check in is a good thing, right?

Update

2008-05-13T16:36:00.002-05:00

I had a follow up check up with Dr. Fan today. He is the radiation oncologist who replaced Dr. Reddy last year. I think I was in and out of the office building within 30 minutes. In fact, when I commented on the speed with which I was getting attention, the nurse offered to let me sit in the waiting room for an hour, "to get the full doctor experience!" I declined her kind offer.

There is really nothing new to report. This is truly a case of "no news is GOOD news!" Dr. Fan asked me the usual questions, to which I relplied "No" to all of them. He examined my incision area and said everything looked good. I will return in 6 months to see him unless I have a reason to come in earlier.

God is good. Ryan is getting married this Saturday. God, in His timing and grace, has allowed me to be able to live these past 2 years and watch Ryan's relationship with Noelle blossom. For that, I am grateful. It is humbling to know that life is so fragile, and yet our Creator loves each of us and grants us the desires of our hearts. So, I am privileged to join another club this weekend - that of "mother-in-law." It will be an honor.

Great is His faithfulness

2008-02-07T19:43:00.000-06:00

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,

My lips shall praise You.

Thus I will bless You while I live;

I will lift up my hands in Your name.

Psalm 63: 3, 4

I had my 3 month check up with Dr. Holmes today. Actually, I saw NP Janice and could hear Dr. Holmes bustling about between exam rooms. The wait time today was longer than the exam time. NP Janice came in to see me, and after commenting (as she always does) about how thick my hair grew back in, she told me that all of my labs came back GREAT! All the levels were good, especially that 'ol tumor marker number. Praise the Lord!

While I was waiting to be examined, my mind drifted to 2 years ago.....sitting in that very same exam room, waiting to see Dr. Holmes for the first time. What a period of uncertainty and trial of my faith that was!! God has been so faithful to me over these past 2 years; in my deepest need, He never left my side. He never failed to uphold me. I look back with wonder and think of how much has happened in 2 years. 2 years ago, God's grace took on a whole new meaning for me.

So, I look forward with great excitement to the months ahead; I graduated today from 3 month follow up appointments to 6 month ones! What an unexpected and encouraging blessing!! And, as I walked to the parking garage after leaving the office, this hymn ran through my mind:

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

730 days later........

2008-01-18T12:58:00.000-06:00

January 18, 2006 was spent sitting in a doctor's office hearing news that would change my life forever. "You have breast cancer." Welcome to the club.

Fast forward 730 days to January 18, 2008:

So far today, I have:

awakened next to my husband, to the sound of rain on the roof
seen Justin off to work
taken the girls to piano lessons, getting to drive for the first time on the new bypass!
returned a dress to Macy's
stopped at McD's for coffee to ward off the chills of a damp and drizzly January morning
stopped at the grocery store to purchase chicken for dinner
made deposits at the credit union
picked the girls up from piano lessons
driven home
chatted with the neighbor to schedule Kathryn to babysit
invited a friend and her husband to use extra opera tickets we have for this evening
read countless e-mails, blog posts and news update

And.......it's only 1 P.M.!

There are still countless things to do today and more on the docket for tomorrow and the days and weeks to come. There trips being planned. There is a wedding being planned! There is LIFE to live!!!

I humbly give thanks to God for giving me these past 730 days. Who knows what tomorrow may bring; there are no guarantees. While so much that goes on each day might seem mundane, and at times even frustrating, I constantly purpose to appreciate each and every one of those days He gives me as a precious gift. I don't ever want to take them for granted.

"So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom." ~ Psalm 90:12

"Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee." ~ Psalm 63:3

Pondering.....

2008-01-14T14:42:00.000-06:00

We Believe

We believe in the Father, who created all that is
And we believe the universe and all therein is His
As a loving heavenly Father, He yearned to save us all
To lift us from the fall . . . We believe

We believe in Jesus the Father's only Son
Existing uncreated before time had begun
A sacrifice for sin, He died then rose again
To ransom sinful men, We believe

We believe in the spirit who makes believers one
Our hearts are filled with His presence
The Comforter has come
The kingdom unfolds in His plan
Unhindered by quarrels of man
His church upheld by His hand . . . We believe

Though the earth be removed
And time be no more
These truths are secure
God's word shall endure
Whatever may change, these things are sure . . . We believe

So if the mountains are cast down into the plains
When kingdoms all crumble, this one remains
Our faith is not subject to seasons of man
With our fathers we proclaim
We believe our Lord will come as he said
The land and the sea will give up their dead
His children will reign with Him as their head

We believe
We believe

Words and music by Nathan DiGesare and Dan Scott

3 month check up....

2007-11-11T18:26:00.000-06:00

This past Thursday was my three month check up at Dr. Holmes' office. After all of the hubbub of August's visit, I decided to downplay this one as much as possible. Getting blood drawn wasn't going to be a big deal. Just go to the doctor. Just DO it!

Try as I might, it's still hard not to think too much when those appointments come around. But, I still tried to keep cool about it when Thursday came. Having an afternoon appointment didn't make the wait any easier, either.

I saw NP Janice this time as Dr. Holmes was at an all day breast cancer clinic. The office was really busy; my 2PM appointment time turned into a 3:15 time. Appointments are so much shorter these days, though, when there are no real "issues" to discuss. The bottom line for Thursday's appointment is that my blood work is still good, and there are NO signs of recurrence! Praise the Lord!

My next appointment with Dr. Holmes is set for February, 2008. That month, I also will see the radiation oncologist. In the mean time, there are birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, wedding plans, and a lot of LIFE to live!!!

"Give thanks unto the LORD, call upon his name, make known his deeds among the people.

Sing unto him, sing psalms unto him, talk ye of all his wondrous works."

1 Chronicles 16:8-9

A year ago today........

2007-08-18T18:03:00.001-05:00

A year ago today I had my breast cancer surgery. I remember thinking that August 18th was the anniversary of the day my mom died, in 1984, and I wasn't particularly thrilled about having that be my surgery day. But, I since I had no choice in the matter, the surgery went on. So, here it is......August 18th again, a year later. What a year it has been! God has been so gracious to me; it amazes me, even now, to think about it.

The first 2 weeks of the month have been filled with trips to various doctors and for various tests. Here is a rundown for you:

Wednesday, August 1 - went for labwork and a chest x-ray in preparation for my appointment with Dr. Holmes

Thursday, August 9 - appointment at Dr. Holmes' office; met with NP Janice who told me that the chest x-ray and labwork looked GREAT! The tumor markers were also GREAT! My blood pressure was rather high, so she told me to call my primary care dr. to see what he wants to do about it. Guess I have to....it's been something they've talked about for a while now. I also filled Janice in about the few bouts of dizziness I had been experiencing since my last appt. in May (does anyone else ever get dizzy just when lying down on one's left side?), in addition to the headaches I had while in Denver (altitude?) and as much as I didn't want to hear it, she ordered a brain MRI (and come back in 3 months). Ugh. I was honestly thinking and hopping that it was sinus related or something. She explained that my type of breast cancer (her2+) most often metastizes to the soft tissue in the brain. Double ugh. While she said I "looked stable," she wanted to cover all the bases. That's a good thing, right? What a double-edged sword.....wanting to know what's up but dreading the answer..... So, I came home and immediately made an appointment for the MRI (made for Monday, 8/13), as well as the MUGA (heart) scan that was also ordered (the last of the series, I am told).

Saturday, Tomball Hospital calls to tell me that they have to rescedule the MRI as the system is down and won't be repaired until Monday, then tested on Tuesday and Wednesday was already filled (so much for the word URGENT on my order). We reschedule the MRI for Thursday, 8/16, and I again ask God to give me the grace to be patient.

Monday, August 13 - Since I am not having an MRI, I get to take Meaghan bowling with a group of young people from our church. It was her first time bowling, and she had a fun time, in spite of taking one hard fall at the beginning of the session. The soreness hit her about noon on Tuesday, but she still said it was fun!

Wednesday, August 15 - Dropped Kathryn off at the library for her last volunteer session for the summer, then Meaghan and I headed over to the Cancer Center for my appointment with the radiation oncologist. While Meaghan worked on a puzzle in the waiting room, I met one of the new doctors, Dr. T. Phan (I am told his brother also sees patients there - he goes by another initial, I guess!). This doctor is even younger than the last one, if I were one to bet. Whatever his age, he was very attentive and encouraging about the upcoming MRI. He even did a short neurological exam and told me that I looked "sound." So, after being told they would follow up on getting the results of the MRI, I made my next appointment.....for next February (6 months)! It is hard to even think that far ahead, but I enjoy filling up those calendar pages with things "to do" far off in the future.

After the doctor, we headed back to pick Kathryn up from the library where she had been hob-nobbing with our US Representative, Michael McCaul. He was there reading to the pre-schoolers.........want to guess how many of the little tykes even knew where Washington, D.C. was, let alone who he was? Kathryn said that one little girl did know who the President was ("Bush!"), but that was pretty much it for the civics class at the library. So, I dropped the girls off at home and headed back to the hospital's Heart Center for my afternoon MUGA test It was uneventful, other than the one lady who drew my blood and made such a big mess you would have thought I was bleeding to death - there were bloody gauze pads everywhere! But the lady who administered the test was the same one who has done all of them since I had my first one in May of last year. I always appreciate continuity when it comes to a health care team; it's nice to know that they "know" you.

Thursday, August 16, 7:35 AM - Michael and I drive to the hospital to check in for the MRI. Since it was my very first MRI, I opted to take a "happy" pill before I went; Michael was my designated driver. Other than the fact that the buildings were freezing that early in the morning, things went quickly and smothly. Whoever said they could sleep through that test can probably sleep through an earthquake! It was the noisiest test I have ever taken, and I surprised by movements of the machine. But, I realized that I probably didn't need the "happy" pill; I don't think that I am claustrophobic enough. Closing my eyes always seems to take care of any issues for me. We were back in the car by 8:45 and home by 9. I was in bed by 9:30, to sleep off my drugs. Good thing I did, as I didn't wake up until 1:15!!!

The doctor's office had told me that the results would take about 3 days, but when I left the MRI building, the lady there said the doctor would have the results by the afternoon. I was sure that meant that they had seen something bad during the test and needed to rush the results (oh ye of little faith crops up again). So, I prayed some Psalms as I drifted off to sleep, to take my mind off of the "what-ifs." At about 3:00, the phone rang, and my heart sank as I saw the doctor's office's number on Caller ID. You see, NP Janice had said that we should call in about 3 days, but they would call me if there was a problem. Ugh. So, I took a deep breath, said hello, and nearly burst into tears when Robin, the lady on the other end of the phone, told me that the test results were back and that everything was

NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I don't have an answer yet as to why I have had those few dizzy episodes and headaches. I'll follow up with my primary care doctor since I have to see him anyway. But, for now my brain is cancer-free, and for that, I am eternally grateful to my Father in heaven. He continues to extend His tender mercies to me time and time again.

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;

Praise Him, all creatures here below;

Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;

Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Checking in......

2007-07-28T17:13:00.000-05:00

The busy summer continues. We just finished a week of VBS at our church. I was blessed to be able to volunteer this summer; last summer, I was in the middle of chemotherapy and needed to watch from the sidelines. August is just around the corner. I will meet with both oncologists in 2 weeks and see "What's up?" Personally, I am praying that the answer will be "Nothing!" I will report back with another update as those dates pass, news or no news.

For those of you who have been praying for Leanne, she is HOME! I am posting the last blog entry made by her dad. I am sure he wouldn't mind me sharing their good news. Please continue to pray for Leanne as perseveres in her war against leukemia.

From Leanne's blog:

Thursday, July 26, 2007 10:10 AM CDT

PRAISE TO THE LORD!

God's perfect time and plan were revealed, in part, yesterday as Leanne was released from the hospital and she and Fayrene returned home last night!

They were so thankful to be in their own home after 5 weeks in the bone marrow unit at TCH.

God has blessed us through this time in so many ways - I don't know where to begin. Fayrene has been at Leanne's side this whole time - I could not pry her away. She is a perfect example of a mother's love and devotion for her family. I am so blessed by her. Leanne's sisters, Lindsay and Laura, have both been unbelievably helpful behind the scenes. They have demonstrated love and graciousness to their sister and parents. I am very proud of their selflessness and sweet spirit amidst a time so difficult for them.

God has used so many of you to bless us. We have received so much prayer support, so many acts of kindness from friends and family, our church staff has been awesome to visit and stay in touch and the prayer room has been faithfully praying, many caring doctors and nurses, our DONOR!!!!...the list goes on and on. I wish I could publicly thank each of you but I fear I would leave out someone, so THANKYOU all.

Leanne will now be in isolation at home for the balance of the 100 days. Her doctors told us to remember that her immune system is in it's infancy - she will be susceptible to everything and will have to go through all the childhood diseases, and immunizations, again. She is on IV nutrition until she can eat well and receives IV anti-rejection meds among others for a few months. She will be monitored in the bone marrow unit every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for the next several months. She has bravely come so far and has critical days ahead.

We have learned new lessons about God's grace, His provision, our dependency on Him and His perfect timing, our own plans vs. His, His ultimate sacrifice for us and certainly the truth of Proverbs 3:5. Learning how to be thankful despite the circumstances has had an incredible impact on us all. The Lord has indeed been faithful to my family!

GOD'S GRACE KEEPS PACE WITH EVERYTHING WE FACE!

Thanks for checking in.
Rick

God sure is good, isn't He?

2007-06-29T21:35:00.000-05:00

Things have been going very well with me, thank the Lord. I don't go back to see Dr. Holmes and the radiation oncologist until mid-August. The summer has been filled with activity of all kinds. It is such a blessing to be able to be running around like a chicken with my head cut off, rather than spending my days sitting in a chemo chair like I did last summer. God is good!

Please let me take the liberty to ask you to pray for 2 special people. Leanne is our eye doctor's daughter. She just underwent a bone marrow transplant today to help her fight her second battle with leukemia. God put her into remission 5 years ago, and we know He can do the same thing this time. These past few months have been very hard on Leanne, and her body is weary. But her spirit and faith are strong. Please join us in prayer as we petition the Lord on her behalf.

Please also remember Colleen as she undergoes chemo a second time around for ovarian cancer. She is facing new experiences this time around, but she remains ever faithful in her praise of our Father in Heaven, knowing that He has chosen the best of everything for her and her family. She is a treasured sister in the Lord; I trust you will pray for her healing, as you have for mine.

"I have set the Lord always before me: Because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices: my flesh also shall rest in hope."
~Psalm 16:8-9

Bless the LORD, O my soul......

2007-05-09T14:24:00.000-05:00

Psalm 103

Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.
Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:
Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;
Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;
Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.
The LORD executeth righteousness and judgment for all that are oppressed.
He made known his ways unto Moses, his acts unto the children of Israel.
The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.
He will not always chide: neither will he keep his anger for ever.
He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him.
As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.
Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him.
For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.
As for man, his days are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth.
For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone; and the place thereof shall know it no more.
But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children's children;
To such as keep his covenant, and to those that remember his commandments to do them.
The LORD hath prepared his throne in the heavens; and his kingdom ruleth over all.
Bless the LORD, ye his angels, that excel in strength, that do his commandments, hearkening unto the voice of his word.
Bless ye the LORD, all ye his hosts; ye ministers of his, that do his pleasure.
Bless the LORD, all his works in all places of his dominion: bless the LORD, O my soul.

Today's appointment with Dr. Holmes, my medical oncologist, was another testimony of God's faithfulness and tender mercies. My bloodwork came back all within NORMAL range (tumor markers and all!). I don't go back for another 3 months. What a thrill to hear her dictating notes and hear, "Mrs. Kelly is a breast cancer patient who has completed her chemotherapy, year-long Herceptin treatment and is currently under observation." Just observation!!!! So, in the meanwhile, I am to continue watching my diet and keeping up with my exercise program. Nothing else!

Thank you, Lord!

(as a side note: Dr. Holmes, when going over my labs with me today, declared, "You are perfect!" I asked for a doctor's note to have on hand as proof for my dear husband! After all, if the doctor says it, it must be correct!)

Coming up on my 3 month check up....

2007-05-03T08:26:00.000-05:00

I went to have blood drawn yesterday in preparation for my 3 month check up with Dr. Holmes. My appointment is set for next Wednesday, May 9, at 9:30 CDT.

I'll check back in then with an update!

Holding onto Psalm 20 this week:

The LORD hear thee in the day of trouble;
the name of the God of Jacob defend thee;
send thee help from the sanctuary,
and strengthen thee out of Zion;
remember all thy offerings,
and accept thy burnt sacrifice. Selah.

Grant thee according to thine own heart,
and fulfil all thy counsel.
We will rejoice in thy salvation,
and in the name of our God we will set up our banners:
the LORD fulfil all thy petitions.
Now know I that the LORD saveth his anointed;
he will hear him from his holy heaven
with the saving strength of his right hand.

Some trust in chariots, and some in horses:
but we will remember the name of the LORD our God.
They are brought down and fallen:
but we are risen, and stand upright.
Save, LORD:
let the king hear us when we call.

The tale of two new friends.....

2007-04-26T21:29:00.000-05:00

Two new friends have made an impact on my life. A huge impact. I never thought I would like these friends, as they always seemed so cold and imposing....almost mean. So, I would always avoid getting together with them. I would send others from the family to see them, but I would shun their company.

At the beginning of April, I decided to take the plunge and meet with my adversaries. Tackle the giants, so to speak. But, I was too chicken to go alone to face them, so I took Kathryn along. She had met them before; she wasn't afraid. If she could face them, I should be able to, right?

Surprisingly, we have gotten along together very well. I see these friends at least 4 times a week now, although we don't have any set time for gathering. The rest of life still goes on around us. They have others to see, and I have more to do than spend my time in their company.

What is even more amazing is that while I dreaded meeting them for such a long time, I now consider them such close friends that I truly missed them when I was recently in Longview for 5 days. I saw them again tonight, for the first time since returning from our trip. Kathryn accompanied me again, even though she wasn't sure she really wanted to go tonight. I said that I would have my reunion with my friends, with or without her. It was a happy reunion. How I ever convinced myself that these friends were cold and mean, I'll never know. Others told me I would like them, if I gave them a chance. Now I am a firm believer that first impressions, while important, can be overlooked when you are willing to go the extra mile.

May I present my two new friends?

I am pleased to introduce Mr. Tread Mill and Ms Recumbent Bike.

I believe the title of the song is "Wonder of Wonders, Miracle of Miracles!"

Rambling thoughts

2007-04-04T21:49:00.000-05:00

Without doctor visits, I really have no health updates to provide. While I feel like I should blog about something, I feel strange to blog about things unrelated to my health. I did think of a few thoughts that might be interesting to some, so I will include them here.

It's been 7 1/2 weeks since I last saw my oncologist. My next appointment is in exactly 4 weeks from today. While it's certainly been a nice change of pace to not have frequent visits, I must admit that it still is really weird. I find myself not really knowing how to think sometimes. For example, I was updating my chart at the eye doctor this week. When asked whether or not I had any current health problems, I really didn't know how to answer. I wonder how long I will continue to think of myself as a cancer patient, rather than a survivor? I do think of myself as a survivor most of the time; I suppose it's just hard to break the habit of thinking that I am still in the throes of treatment. Just weird.

I learned this week that a high school classmate also went through breast cancer treatment last year. Sadly, our numbers continue to grow. She will be at our reunion in Denver this summer. I haven't seen her since graduation; we'll have something to talk about now!

Recurrence is a nasty word. Elizabeth Edwards and Tony Snow have to very publicly deal with very private issues. I wish them well as they begin their battles once again. I learned of another person dealing with a recurrence this week; this story hits much more close to home. Our eye doctor's daughter was first diagnosed with leukemia about 6 years ago. It was a rough couple of years for her, but she went into remission, went through high school and is a freshman at A&M this school year studying to be an pediatric oncology nurse. At my appointment yesterday, her dad told me that her cancer has returned. They have known about it for just a few weeks. He told me that they are looking at a probable bone marrow transplant in the future. Please pray for Lee Ann and her family. Her dad looked so sad yesterday, but I know they are strong believers and will get through this. His parting words to me yesterday were, "God did it once; He can do it again!" Amen!

There is a mom on a home school board I visit whose son is clinging to life after being in a serious motorcycle accident. They don't know what the future holds for him, but the prognosis is not good. Please pray for this family, too, as they walk a road none of us ever wishes to have to tread.

So many families with so many needs. I am reminded of this refrain from the hymn, "God is Still on the Throne."

"God is still on the throne,
And He will remember His own;
Tho’ trials may press us and burdens distress us,
He never will leave us alone;
God is still on the throne,
He never forsaketh His own;
His promise is true, He will not forget you,
God is still on the throne."

Amen!

De-ported means something different here!

2007-03-12T20:47:00.000-05:00

After a 2 hour wait for a 20 minute procedure, I had my port removed today. Having the procedure done in the surgeon's office meant I only had a $15 co-pay on an $800 bill! The worst part of the whole thing was getting "stuck" for the local anesthesia. Lesson learned.....don't wear your best white blouse (thinking you'll get a drape) and then have him drip blood on you.

Peroxide to the rescue!

Another March 11th

2007-03-11T14:46:00.000-05:00

Thank you , Lord, for giving me another year to spend with my family and friends. May my remaining days on Earth be ones focused on serving them and bringing glory to You. You have given me so very much when I am so undeserving. Let me never forget that each day is a gift, not an entitlement.

Reflections.....

2007-03-09T17:24:00.000-06:00

It's been one of those days....thinking about one thing takes you to thinking about another which leads to another rabbit trail, and so on. Today I have been thinking about the passage of time. I haven't been having deep and profound thoughts; I've just been mulling over some things and gaining some insights about life in general.

Years ago, when we began home educating the boys, we attended a conference during which the speaker used the phrase "seasons of life." At that time, we were in the "season" in which we had 2 young boys to school, and we were self-employed. Our "seasons" have changed over the years, as time has passed.

This week, I have been thinking about all of the seasons of life through which I have passed. From my childhood through to now, I've had seasons that I have experienced with my peers. We've started at schools together and graduated from schools together. We've married within years of each other and had babies together. We've shared parenting ideas and schooling revelations. We've all watched our kids grow and seen some of them move on to marriage and careers. Sometimes the peer groups have changed (adding or subtracting a few here and there), but for the most part, we've all been moving along at the same pace. Joys and sorrows, we've shared them all.

There is one "season of life" I don't care very much for right now. It's the child with aging parent season. Today, I mailed off another sympathy card for another friend who has just lost a beloved parent. This marks the fourth parental loss since the beginning of this year. Today, I read of another parental loss as I read John Piper's journal entry marking his own father's death this week. Emotions sprang fresh as I read his poignant words. I still miss my father very much, and each time I hear of another friend losing a parent, my heart aches for them. Yes, it's all the natural passage of time. Worse might be hearing of the loss of a spouse or a child. But the pain and loss are still there, no matter how advanced in age the person was.

The reality is that this is the season of life for us now. Our parents are aging, as are we all. The comfort lies in knowing that the Earth has never been our real home. The comfort lies in knowing that Heaven is waiting for us, and what a glorious reunion that will be! These thoughts take me back to a hymn we would sing often during our trips to Knoxville years ago......

O THAT WILL BE GLORY (Charles H. Gabriel)

When all my labors and trials are o’er,
And I am safe on that beautiful shore,
Just to be near the dear Lord I adore,
Will through the ages be glory for me.

O that will be glory for me,
Glory for me, glory for me,
When by His grace I shall look on His face,
That will be glory,
be glory for me.

When, by the gift of His infinite grace,
I am accorded in Heaven a place,
Just to be there and to look on His face,
Will through the ages be glory for me.

O that will be glory for me,
Glory for me, glory for me,
When by His grace I shall look on His face,
That will be glory,
be glory for me.

Friends will be there I have loved long ago;
Joy like a river around me will flow;
Yet just a smile from my Savior, I know,
Will through the ages be glory for me.

O that will be glory for me,
Glory for me, glory for me,
When by His grace I shall look on His face,
That will be glory,
be glory for me.

Out with the old.....

2007-03-01T09:37:00.000-06:00

I had my port inserted on February 6 of last year, so I have been walking around with that thing on the right side of my chest for just over a year. It was through this port that I received all of my chemotherapy injections. While I have been very grateful to have had the port and have had no problems with it functioning correctly over the past year (some people have to have theirs removed and receive their treatments through veins in their arms), I no longer need it.

I am happy to report that I just hung up the phone with my surgeon's office and scheduled an appointment to have the port removed. If I didn't get it removed, I would need to go in every 5-6 weeks to have it flushed. I certainly have no interest in doing that, even though the oncology nurses are very nice and seeing them would be a pleasant diversion.

So, the appointment is scheduled for Monday, March 12 (a little post-birthday festivity, I suppose!). What is even more exciting is that this can be done right in the doctor's office instead of at the Surgery Center at the hospital! No major anesthesia this time - just a local.

One more step on the road called survivorship!

The package is in the house!

2007-02-19T17:03:00.000-06:00

It seems as though the kit they needed to draw my blood last week arrived about 45 minutes after I left. Today, I was in and out of the office in 20 minutes. My right arm is a little worse for wear, though. For the very first time, in over a year of having blood drawn almost weekly, I left the office with a big blood blister in the bend of my elbow. Another war wound.

Next appointment at the oncologist's office - May 9, 2007, with bloodwork to be scheduled for the preceding week (locally!)

Another doctor day

2007-02-15T10:03:00.000-06:00

Monday's trip to Dr. Holmes' office should have included a special blood draw. But since someone forgot to order the package needed to perform said work, I had an appointment made for Wednesday at 9:40. Efficient as I am trying to be, I left the house about 15 minutes early to make a drop off at the dry cleaners. About 5 minutes out of town, I received a phone call from the doctor's office (sorry, we hoped to catch you before you left!) informing that the package did not arrive the previous afternoon, as expected, however FedEx was scheduled to deliver it at 10:30, so might I be able to come then. No problem, I said. I continued on my drive and went shopping and World Market and Bed, Bath and Beyond before going to the doctor (arriving now at 10:25).

I took the last seat available in a very full waiting room, certain I would be called back immediately. First mistake. 15 minutes passed, and then I was informed that the package still was not in house, but that it should arrive "any minute". At 11, the lab tech came out to repeat the message, assuring me that I was on his schedule, and I would be called in just as soon as possible. Since I had by now finish adding phone numbers to my cell phone, I picked up a Reader's Digest to while away the minutes. At 11:45, the nurse called me back again to tell me (with a very embarrassed look on her face) that now FedEx could not even give her an estimated time for delivery. She muttered something about it being weather-related, blah, blah, blah......she asked if I wanted to go do anymore shopping and they would call me when the package arrived. I declined her offer, telling her I would be happy to sit and wait, but I would have to leave no later than 1, as I had another appointment back in Tomball at 2.

Having finished the Reader's Digest (and learning more than I cared to know about different discoveries in treating stroke patients), I sat down to work on a jigsaw puzzle. There is always a puzzle being worked on at this doctor's office. In the year I have been going there, I have never made an effort to add even one piece to the process. This day, I nearly completed the sides of the puzzle. Nearly is the operative word here, but not because I was called back for my labwork, but because 1PM arrived and I needed to leave. I left the office with an appointment for this coming Monday at 10:30 and enough apologies to last a lifetime.

I drove straight to the Cancer Center in Tomball for my next appointment, with Dr. Reddy, the radiation oncologist. These are always pleasant appointments (the ones with no radiation treatments, that is), as the people are so very friendly, and there is never a long wait. This day was no different - except for the 8 X 10 framed notice sitting on the check-in desk informing all of us that Dr. Reddy is leaving the practice as of the end of February! WAAAAAAAAA! I am so glad that I have already completed my treatment with him. And I feel so badly for the people who are in the middle of treatment. The doctors who will be filling in until a permanent replacement is decided upon are quite good, but it's still unsettling to need to change doctors during a treatment such as this.

My appointment with the doctor went without a hitch. They noted all of the minor issues I told them about. The occasional twinges of pain I sometimes feel are a normal occurrence for someone who has had radiation. They explain it as the nerves "talking to you." But it isn't anything to be concerned about unless it were to become chronic and severe. So, he sent me off with a handshake and his e-mail address in the event I need to ask him any questions later on down the road. Such a nice man. When I go back in 6 months for my follow up, there should be a new doctor in place.

After leaving the Cancer Center, I made what was supposed to be a quick trip to Wal-Mart. I was delusional in thinking that going to Wal-Mart on Valentine's Day would be anything in the neighborhood of quick. It's only due to cooler temps and God's grace that my ice cream wasn't totally melted by the time I arrived home........nearly EIGHT hours after leaving in the morning!

It was a good day!

Graduation Day!

2007-02-12T20:31:00.000-06:00

I am finally DONE with treatment! Totally done as in finished, through, and ENDED! No more chemo, no more radiation, no more Herceptin! You can tell by the snazzy, autographed certificate they gave me today that this means my treatment if officially over! As I told Nurse Denise today, it's hard to believe I started treatment a year ago this month. Last year, at this time, a year of treatment seemed like it would be f-o-r-e-v-e-r. Today, the time seems to have flown by.

I even got to meet with Dr. Holmes today, instead of NP Janice, which was an answer to prayer. It's not that I don't like Janice; she's really personable and very skilled. I just wanted to talk with Dr. Holmes today, and it had been a long time since I had an office visit with her. We had a long visit, talking over everything from my test and lab results to the aftermath of my father's death ("Are you depressed? Do you need something?"). She took time to answer each and every one of my questions in detail. It was a good visit and very encouraging.

My tests and labs all came back looking great! My heart is functioning well, in spite of the Herceptin, and the tumor markers are right where they should be. There is nothing present right now that warrants further investigation. In short, I am FREE until my next check up which will be in 3 months. It is a very good feeling (feeling a Mr. Rogers song coming on here....).

I meet Wednesday with Dr. Reddy, the radiation oncologist here in Tomball. I haven't seen him in 3 months; my last visit with him was 2 weeks after I finished treatment there. I am looking forward to going back there and meeting with everyone again. They were a fun group, considering they were responsible for shooting radiation in me and burning my skin! Other than that appointment, the only other thing I have to do is call my surgeon to schedule getting my port removed (since I don't need it anymore!). It's only outpatient surgery, so it should go without a hitch.

We watched the movie, Facing the Giants, on Saturday evening. It's an overtly Christian moving with a very simple and poignant message....."Good or bad, I will praise Him." That was the attitude that I took to this doctor appointment today. I had no idea what those test results would show. We can pray and petition the Lord for healing. We can beg and plead; we can even try to bargain with Him. But the bottom line is that He is in control, and He decides what is best for each of us. So, my only choice thoughout this cancer journey has been "Good or bad, I will praise Him." In light of the good news I received today, that seems like an easy perspective to expound. However, I know that had the news not been as good, I would still be writing the same thing. It might take a little more time to think about, but the end result would be the same. What a mighty God we serve!

Great is Thy Faithfulness (Thomas O. Chisholm, 1923)

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see.

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see.

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Bloodwork this morning.....

2007-02-07T11:58:00.000-06:00

What a joy it is to be attended to by people who smile, say "Good morning!", and don't make you feel like you are imposing upon them. The lady who drew my blood this morning was named Joy, and she exuded it! She found "Old Faithful" (refer to yesterday's post about having blood drawn) and got three vials full before I really knew she had even pricked me. What a blessing!

No more tests or labwork before next Monday's 3 month follow up appointment with Dr. Holmes (and final Herceptin treatment!). Just real life until then.

Real life is good - don't let anyone try to convince you of anything else!

Ugga MUGA

2007-02-06T23:53:00.000-06:00

That phrase has always been used in our home to echo Daniel Striped Tiger's favorite expression from Mr. Roger's Neighborhood. This week, it describes the MUGA (heart) scan I had yesterday. I've been having this scan done every 3 months as a diagnostic tool during my Herceptin treatment. Herceptin can make heart muscle become "flabby," so the oncologist wants to keep a close eye on me. I've not had a bad result yet, and I don't necessarily expect a bad one now. My final Herceptin treatment, by the way, is scheduled for this coming Monday, the 12th.....woohoo!

So, when I went over to the hospital yesterday, I was just expecting a routine time. The normal procedure is that they draw blood, mix it with some radioactive "stuff," let it "cook" for about 30 minutes, inject it back into you (how kind of them!) and then take images of your heart over the course of about another 30 minutes. All I have to do is lie still on the table. I have been known to doze on occasion. All in all, it should be easy.

Nothing is easy at our hospital, though. Each time I have taken this test, they have sent me to a different place to register. Yesterday was no exception. Even though I asked when I registered on the phone and asked again when they called me to confirm my appointment, I was still told, patronizingly, "You are really supposed to register at the Heart Center, but I will take care of it here." Sigh.....I was the one who asked, "Shouldn't I register at the Heart Center?" To which the reply was, "No, go to Radiology." By now I was thanking God that I wasn't at the Medical Center as I would have many more hallways to walk through to get to the proper location!

Michelle was the lady who called me in to start phase 1 of the test. She would draw my blood; I would then go sit back in the waiting room for a half hour. Since my surgery, I can only have blood drawn from my right arm. I have a semi-permanent "tatoo" at the crease of my elbow from all the times they have drawn blood from my right arm. It has been a very productive vein. However, it's uncomfortable to have blood drawn there for this procedure, as they leave in the IV. That means holding one's arm straight for 30 minutes or being in pain when bending said arm because of the IV. So I was glad Michelle looked for and found another vein to use. Except this vein didn't want to give blood. It would let her inject IN, but she couldn't draw anything OUT. It seems there was a valve there, doing its little valve job.......great......

So, Michelle left that IV in place since she would need to inject my blood back in later. Since she still needed to draw blood OUT of me, she used Old Faithful and got the required amount for their nuclear concoction. Now I had 2 spots with that awful plastic tape stuck on me. I took my seat back in the waiting room and proceeded to read a relatively current magazine while I waited out my time. Not long after I sat down, Michelle entered the waiting room with a man whome she introduced as John. It seemed that John was now going to administer my test, as it was Michelle's lunch time (now I am wondering what ever happened to finishing a task before tending to one's stomach). John informed me that my blood wasn't ready yet, and he would call me when it was time. 10 minutes later, I got "the call, and John led me back to the testing room where he gave me my blood back and then took out the IV. Then, he told me to get positioned on the table for pictures. In the process of getting things all set, he needed to connect me to various electrodes. While doing so, he asked me, rather sheepishly, "Do you have on a prosthesis?" I apologetically answered to the affirmative; not realizing that it would interfere with the imaging, I came overdressed, so to speak. John then asked for me to remove it, and I proceeded to go through contortions of great magnitude as I had never attempted that feat from the position I was in. I handed the object over to John; he placed it under a nearby pillow so it wouldn't be lying there exposed to all the passersby. Hysterical!

The rest of the time there went without a hitch. I was introduced to Shania Twain's music (Isomething I had never heard before, to my knowledge anyway). Instead of listening, I dozed off. Why waste good naptime is my rationale. Michelle returned from lunch just in time to finish the test and help megather all of my "belongings" and put them in their rightful places. I then left the hospital and drove into town to finish the rest of my errands.

The results of the test should be at the oncologist's office on Monday when I have my visit there. I go to have more blood drawn tomorrow morning so that Dr. Holmes will have all of the pertinent details she needs to assess my progress when I see her. Please pray for good results all the way around. I will update after Monday's visit with results and details.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." ~Jeremiah 29:11 (ESV)

All clear.....

2007-02-01T11:04:00.000-06:00

This was the verdict after the mammogram I had this morning. There was no marked change between the films from last year to this year.

Thanking God for another answer to prayer.

One more to go

2007-01-22T19:49:00.000-06:00

Today's Herceptin treatment means I only have one more left. I will finish 3 weeks from today, Lord willing. Before then, I have appointments to have a mammogram, see my GYN, get bloodwork done and have another MUGA (heart) scan. I realize that it seems like a lot to do, but it all needs to be done as I will also see the oncologist before I get my final treatment that day. They want to have all the latest results available for my visit. Then, after that Monday, I will see the radiation oncologist later that week for a 3 month check up.

Gradually, I see myself being weaned from the safety net of the medical community that has been monitoring me over the past year. We will keep in contact over the months, and I will be diligent in getting whatever tests done and appoinments made. It just seems a bit weird to be "on my own." I know that I am not truly on my own, though, and so grateful that I have the widest safety net available to me in my Heavenly Father's loving arms.

Unfailing mercies.......

2007-01-18T11:40:00.000-06:00

Today is the 1 year anniversary of my official cancer diagnosis. Not that we didn't already have a notion because we did. But today marks the day, a year ago, that I sat in the surgeon's office and heard the official pathology report....."You have inflammatory breast cancer."

I am not one who celebrates seemingly inane anniversaries such as "5 months since I met you" or "2 years and three months since we began dating." This date marks something different. This date marks survivorship. This date marks God's grace in allowing me 365 more days on this earth with my family and friends.

So today, I think back over all that has happened in this year. I visited more doctors last year than I did in the total 48 prior years of my life. I learned about a disease that has stricken just about every family I can think of, in one way or another. I laughed; I cried. I prayed, and I stood in awe of a Heavenly Father who held my hand every step of the way (and continues to do so). He has been gracious to me in ways I could never have imagined and probably wouldn't have noticed, if not for the cancer.

I've made many new friends along the way, many of them members of the same club. I appreciate their humor and support. And I thank God for the friends and family that He's given me to help hold me up, like Aaron helped Moses, long ago. What faithfulness!

While I have no guarantee that I will be around to mark this date next year, I am confident that God's plan for me is better than anything I could plan on my own. He has proven that to me over and over this year. In that, I can rest and be grateful for each day more that He gives me.

"It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness."~Lamentations 3: 22,23

An even quicker check in......

2007-01-03T23:32:00.000-06:00

The race is on to complete all the preparations for our trip to Chicago for my dad's funeral. The week has been filled with so much activity, it has been hard to think. I shudder to think what the week might have been like had we not already done a lot of planning.

I had another Herceptin treatment on Tuesday, moved from Monday due to the holiday. I have only 2 more left! It was a quick time in the clinic and quiet, too. But I did get to see a lady whom I had missed seeing for a while. It was nice to see a familiar face. Please pray for Janet as she struggles with cancer which has metastisized.

I also picked up a compression sleeve today, as I realized yesterday that my plane flight might require one. Thankfully, they had what I needed in stock at the boutique, so it was a relatively "in and out" trip.

Many thanks for the cards and prayers that have already been extended in sympathy for my dad's passing. It is a comfort to know that you all are keeping us uplifted when we need it the most.

Off to pack for cooler temps - yea!

A quick year end check in

2006-12-29T11:23:00.000-06:00

And what a year it has been!

I realized today that many probably thought we all disappeared on the ski slopes or just decided to stay in the snowy confines of NM, however the reality is that things have been so busy since returning, blogging just took a back seat to life.

The ski trip was a huge success, and we came back with no injuries! We did come back with 3 colds (Kim, Kathryn and Justin), but the memories far outweigh the sniffles and coughing. Ryan chronicled the trip on the family blog, if you care to read about it.

We returned home late on the 23rd, so we had just a couple of days to finish preparing for Christmas. And with me being sick, this meant that not everything was accomplished. All in all, though, everyone had an enjoyable Christmas. It was a marked improvement over last year's "chicken pox" Christmas!

Tuesday, the 26th, was a sad day. The nursing home called me at about 2 in the afternoon to tell me that my dad wasn't doing well. By 4, they were calling me back to let me know he had died. The days since have been filled with phone calls, paperwork, more phone calls and trying to plan a funeral long distance. Since he will be buried in the Chicago area, we set the services for the weekend of January 5/6, and we will all be traveling up there.....much sooner than we expected to be taking another trip. Again, this has been posted on the family blog. The obituary may be read here.

So, please forgive the lack of updates. It has been hectic and will remain so until after we return from Chicago on the 7th. Thankkfully, the 3 of us "sickies" are now over the worst of it, just as the other 3 are smack dab in the throes of the same virus. Even this seems like good timing as they should be over the worst of the symptoms before we leave for our trip. I have a Herceptin treatment on the 2nd, and the girls start a sewing class on the 4th - just a few hours before we leave for the airport. Oh yes...need to make sure that everyone has the necessary clothing cleaned and pressed.

Prayers for restored health and safe travel would be appreciated. Thank you for supporting us in prayer for such a long time. You are truly faithful prayer warriors!

It is Well With My Soul (Horatio G. Spafford, 1873)

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Check off another Herceptin treatment

2006-12-13T16:45:00.000-06:00

I got another 3 week dose of Herceptin this past Monday. That means there are two more treatments in January and one FINAL one in February. Wow........it seems almost impossible to think about it really ending. Once I complete those, I should be able to have my port removed. Too bad that means another outpatient surgery, but Dr. Harkins is a nice man, and I haven't seen him since August..........

I have spent most of this week shopping like a maniac. I am trying to finish up my Christmas shopping before we leave on vacation since we won't be back until right before Christmas. As I was walking out of the mall today (my second time there in 3 days!), I was thinking how very grateful I am that I am not undergoing chemo or radiation right now. Just imagine how tiring it would be, preparing for the holidays, with a body taxed to its limit by drugs or photons. This realization gave me a good reason to stop right there and thank the Lord for His timing, but more importantly, to also pray for everyone I saw in the clinic on Monday. There were a lot of tired and sick ladies there, just trying to manage life, let alone do Christmas shopping. They certainly need an extra measure of grace during this time of added stress and busyness.

I'll report back after we return from the ski trip. Hopefully, there will be many fun stories to recount and no mention of injuries!

What's next?

2006-11-30T09:40:00.000-06:00

Monday was the day I had been pointing to each time someone would ask me, "What's next?" Since I am still relatively new at this cancer thing, I haven't always known how to respond. The usual, "I don't know" would sometimes alternate with the even more vague, "Beats me!" I was hoping that Monday's appointment would help clear up some of the unknowns.

Monday was my 3 month follow up with the oncologist. The last time we actually talked about my case there was right after Labor Day, at my surgical follow up. During the 3 months that followed, I had begun and completed my radiation treatment. So, I had a number of questions to ask.

Michael accompanied me to this appointment; it was nice to have someone to drive with for a change. I had a relatively short wait before being called back into the exam room. One bright spot was that the Thanksgiving holiday didn't reek too much havoc on my body as the scale actually registered one pound lower than in September. I saw Janice, the nurse practioner, this time, although I could hear Doctor Holmes' voice in the hallway. While I would probably prefer to actually be seen by the doctor herself, I figure that as long as she is in house and available for the more difficult treatment related questions, I am fine seeing Janice.

Results of the exam:

BP was the lowest it has been in months (all during radiation treatments, it was really high....we decided that the machine stressed me out)
physical exam was unremarkable (aka "she didn't find anything suspicious")
labwork drawn 3 weeks ago was good, including tumor markers and everything else they look at

All in all, it was a good exam, as far as exams go......

So.....what's next???????????

I will continue to receive Herceptin treatments every three weeks into February.
I will see Dr. Holmes in another 3 months and then probably go on a 6 months recall schedule.
I will have periodic bloodwork done, and Dr. Holmes will monitor those areas which might indicate a need for further testing.
I will see the radiation oncologist in 3 months for evaluation.
There will be periodic chest x-rays and yearly mammograms.
I need to get back on a regular exercise program and hope to do that once my energy levels return to normal, since radiation knocked them for a loop! They gave me a 6-8 weeks timeline, post-radiation, so I figure that I should be back at it by the first of the year.

One side note about Monday's appointment - I am seeing mostly new faces in the treatment room now. Monday was no different. I met a lady about my age (she has a daughter graduatiing from Texas Tech this semester) who started chemo in late September. She has had a really rough time of it but is starting to feel a little better now that her meds have changed. I was able to encourage her that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I was able to share with her that hair does grow back, and she will begin to feel normal again. I realized that 6 months ago, I was in her shoes. It made me even more grateful for the road I have walked and those who have ministered to me.

Styling

2006-11-22T15:51:00.000-06:00

I got my hair cut yesterday. Well, cut might be a bit of an over exaggeration. Trimmed might be a better choice of words. Actually, it would be more precise to say that the stylist snipped off about 1/8 of an inch of frizzy ends. She said she would "give me more shape." Yeah, right. But, I really did feel better after I left the salon. One more step back to normalcy, I suppose.

There is only one shape to my head right now. Round. Picture a bowling ball Chia Pet with about 1 and 1/2 inches of growth. Oh, I am not complaining. It's nice to see hair growing back again. It's coming in very thick....and curly.....and with about twice as much gray as before......

Ryan has asked me if I am going to be daring and shed my wig. What he doesn't know is that I haven't always been wearing my wig. Lately, I have only been wearing it when I go to church (sure don't want to scare all those little kids!) or places where people know me but don't know about the diagnosis. And an occasional trip out for dinner or a movie. Other than that, I've been going au naturelle. The stylist was trying so hard to be reassuring yesterday. It was actually a little funny as she told me that in 6 months or so, I can come back in, and she'll fix me up with a real style and color!

So, the question still remains..........which "me" will end up in this year's family photo? Since Ryan will be in town for Thanksgiving this weekend, I guess the decision will be forced upon me soon.

Follow up and update

2006-11-16T03:56:00.000-06:00

I had my follow up with the radiation oncologist yesterday. My blood pressure was not through the roof in spite of the high schooler who almost rear ended me on the way there. It was a very uneventful visit, actually. I answered no to the litany of questions I was asked. Well, I answered no to all of them except, "Are you feeling any pain?" If you answer no to that one, the nurse invariably says, "Really?" It's as if she's calling you a liar right there. In actuality, she realizes that most of her patients are experiencing pain/discomfort at one time or another when they come there. She's not calling us liars; she just wants us to think through our responses and answer honestly. So, yesterday, I answered yes to that one question. The boost area (the area treated with an extra dose of radiation) on my chest where the incision is still hurts. It still is in various stages of desquamation (see earlier post for definition!) and is quite red and sore in certain areas. I think it is interesting how healing (something good and desirable) can be painful (something no one wants) at times. There are great Scriptural applications here, but considering that I am typing this in the wee hours of the morning, I will save those lessons for another day!

The radiation oncologist was pleased with my progress. He was thorough in his physical exam and noted all my comments about how I was feeling. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary to him at all. I was instructed to continue to use all of the topical remedies he's prescribed for at least another 3 months. That's when I will be going back for my next appointment with him. What was really strange was making an appointment for February 15. While it seems so far away now, I know it will be here in a heartbeat. Have to get through one birthday and Thankgiving, then one birthday and Christmas and then one more birthday before that yet. Lots to do!

My next scheduled "event" is my 3 month follow up with Dr. Holmes (medical oncologist) on Nov. 27, the Monday after Thanksgiving. I know I am scheduled to have blood drawn, and I expect her to give me a clue as to "what is next." Being at the end of treatment is a strange and somewhat unsettling place to be. It is so hard to answer all of the questions about the unknowns. I am sure there is a regular sort of schedule of testing and scans that is done in cases such as mine; I just don't know what it is yet. I do know that I will continue to receive Herceptin treatments every three weeks until February. Other than that, your guess is as good as mine. At this point in my life, however, I am more than content to have unanswered questions floating around out there. After all, none of us has any guarantees when it comes to our health anyway. Having cancer just makes one face those uncertainites head on. Right now, I am just looking forward to the upcoming holiday and birthday seasons and grateful beyond measure for the gift of life.

GIVE THANKS TO GOD, FOR GOOD IS HE (paraphrase of Ps. 136, author unknown)

Give thanks to God, for good is He, His grace abideth ever;
To Him all praise and glory be, His mercy faileth never.
His wondrous works with praise record, His grace abideth ever;
The only God, the sovereign Lord, Whose mercy faileth never.

His wisdom made the heavens be, His grace abideth ever;
He spread the earth above the sea, His mercy faileth never.
Praise Him Whose sun doth bring the day, His grace abideth ever;
The moon and stars His might display, Whose mercy faileth never.

He helped us in our deepest woe, His grace abideth ever;
He ransomed us from all our foes, His mercy faileth never.
Each creature’s need He doth supply, His grace abideth ever;
Give thanks to God, enthroned on high, Whose mercy faileth never.

Desquamation

2006-11-05T19:38:00.000-06:00

Desquamation - a fancy word for one's skin peeling off in scales or flakes.

Life as it is now. There goes my tan.

Time to celebrate!

2006-11-01T16:12:00.000-06:00

Radiation treatments are over as of 2:30 today! I received my discharge instructions, a diploma (suitable for framing), a little angel rubbing stone and a hug from every staff member from the techs to the scheduler. I am now free at 2:15 every day. I'll have a follow up appointment in 2 weeks, but for now - I am FREE!!!!!!

Many thanks for all of your prayers and support during this phase of my treatments. Your faithfulness in prayer has been a true blessing! God is good - ALL the time!

Earthly remedies

2006-11-01T09:38:00.000-06:00

For someone who has rarely needed to get a prescription filled in decades, this year has been an interesting one filled with many a trip to the pharmacy. This past week, I added three more prescriptions to my arsenal. All of them are supposed to help alleviate some of the skin issues I am dealing with due to the radiation treatments. Each of them has a specific purpose, and it has become a game to remember which item gets applied to which area and why (moist, dry, itchy, peeling,.....).

Since today is my final radiation treatment (celebration and party to follow!), I know that these inconveniences will be short-lived. The radiation oncologist did tell me yesterday, "It will probably get worse before it gets better." But, I am ready with my gigantic tubs of seemingly every concoction known to man (we have been reviving the use of the word "salve" around our house lately....a favorite word of my dad!). More importantly, I have my confidence NOT in these earthly rememdies (although they certainly help!), but in the healing power that comes by prayer and supplication at the foot of the cross.

"Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." ~Isaiah 53:4-5

28 down and only 5 more to go!

2006-10-25T15:02:00.000-05:00

So stands the radiation totals......

I am scheduled to complete my radiation treatment next Wednesday. Hard to believe, but again, the time has just flown by so quickly (thank you, Lord!). This week, they changed my treatment somewhat. I had been receiving photon rays and now am getting zapped with electrons on a very specific field, namely my scar and the immediate surrounding area, as this area is that which is most prone to reoccurance. The techs went into a whole lot of details describing the difference between what the photons do as opposed to what the electrons do. I will spare you the scienctific mumbo jumbo. Let it suffice to say that they work on a more concentrated level at a very specific target. I have so many markings on my chest right now, it is amusing!

I still tire easily, but the current inconvenience is that the skin on my neck is giving me fits. The burn from the radiation is worse there than on the chest area right now. And it hurts. And itches. So, I use the Benadryl and the Aquaphor as much as I can. Yesterday, the doctor also gave me some lidocaine jelly to apply with the Aquaphor. It helped so much.....it was very soothing. Once it dried, though, it slowly started to peel away to the point that everyone at home wanted to know "ooooh, what's wrong with your neck?" But, seriously, the discomfort is only an inconvenience. I feel blessed that I have made it this far through treatment with so little to outwardly show for it. Of course, my prayers are that inwardly I have a LOT to show for it!

I apologize to those of you who might have been checking in on the blog and finding no updates. I realized that there might still be a few faithful ones sticking it out for the long haul, and I haven't been updating as much as possible. The truth is that I just didn't have very much to report and to come and write "Another treatment down - no news!" seemed rather boring. Life has continued to be busy with work and school, just like with everyone else. It seems to have taken on a whole new normalcy and routine. In spite of that, I am still keenly aware of the passage of time and don't want to take these days for granted. I consider each one a gift from God and thank Him daily when the new day dawns.

Looking forward to finishing next Wednesday!

This Scripture has been on my heart lately, so I thought I would share it here:

"What does it matter? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed. I rejoice in this, yes, and will rejoice. For I know that this will turn out to my salvation, through your supplication and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation and hope, that I will in no way be disappointed, but with all boldness, as always, now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life, or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." ~Philippians 1: 18-21

Remedies

2006-10-11T21:51:00.000-05:00

As I suspected, I left from my visit with the radiation oncologist today with some remedies for my ailments. Since my ailments are few, so are the remedies! I was told that I can use Benadryl to help with the itching, and the nurse gave me a product called Aquaphor to use on the areas of my skin that are red. Since she gave me a fairly small sample, I stopped on my way home to get a larger size. A pretty large "tub" of this ointment for "severely dry and cracked skin" now sits on my dresser. I was right about the answer for my fatigue......get more rest!

There is no other news to report; the doctor is pleased with the way I have been tolerating the treatments. God has definitely been gracious every step of the way!

Another week, another treatment.....

2006-10-10T16:16:00.000-05:00

Just the facts, ma'am. I am not complaining, as I have passed the halfway mark in my radiation treatments!

Today marked treatment number 17; I am scheduled to have 33. I normally would have seen the doctor today after my treatment, but he had meetings to attend. I will see him tomorrow. Since the staff didn't want to disappoint me and let me go early, today they repeated my CT scan. The doctor wants to see if he can change the radiation fields a bit. So, in addition to today's treatment, I had another CT scan and x-rays.

I'll be curious to see what the doctor has to say tomorrow when I see him. I am just beginning to feel the effects of treatments. There is some noticeable redness to my skin as well as some bouts of really obnoxious itching. Hopefully, he'll be able to give me some easy fix for the issue. The extra fatigue which seems to be setting in is something for which he probably has no easy fix. That's ok........I've been tired before and know that a nap is a good thing!

Thanks to everyone who contributed to Jaybird's walk to help fight breast cancer. I know who some of you are, but others may have been anonymous supporters, and this is the only way I know to thank you. Please know that I appreciate the love with which you gave of yourselves.

“Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me” ~Matthew 25:37-40

Twenty six years ago today.......

2006-10-04T12:24:00.000-05:00

Little did we know then all of the plans God had for us. Little did we know that this year He would have us living out our marriage vows in a most tangible way....."in sickness and in health".........

This has been a long journey, but it would have been a much more difficult journey if not for a life partner by my side to hold my hand during the rough times. Today, I am especially thankful for the gift I received years ago on a cool fall afternoon - that of a godly man who kept his word to me.

Not much new.........

2006-09-26T08:20:00.000-05:00

There really isn't much new and exciting to blog about these days. I guess that is a good thing.

I have had 6 radiation treatments so far. I am getting the hang of the procedure and what to expect each time I go. That I can have everything finished and be back home within an hour is a huge blessing to me. I see the radiation oncologist on Tuesdays, so today, after my treatment, he and I will have a pow wow and discuss how things are going. I'm not experiencing any real issues with the radiation so far, although I do detect a bit of skin tenderness. Who knows if it is from the treatment or not, though.

I had a Herceptin treatment yesterday, too, so that made for a busy day. Going every three weeks is really different from making my weekly trips like I did for chemo. New faces are mixed in with the familiar faces; I wish that wasn't the case, as we all know why they are there.

Please pray for one of our church families this week. The James family, Mark, Suzie, Kelly and Travis lost their dear son and brother, Cameron, last year this Friday. Please pray that God would envelope them with His love and peace as they still feel such a void in their family. Cameron is home with Jesus now, free of the cancer that shortened his young life. While that is a comfort beyond measure, the pain of his loss is still so overwhelming for his family. Thank you for being willing to help uphold this dear family. And again, thank you for all the prayers that you have brought before the throne of grace on behalf of our family as well.

COME BOLDLY TO THE THRONE OF GRACE (Fanny Crosby)

Come, ye who from your hearts believe
That Jesus answers prayer,
Come boldly to a throne of grace
And claim His promise there,
That, if His love in us abide
And we in Him are one,
Whatever in His Name we ask
It surely will be done.

Come lovingly and trustingly,
Take Jesus at His Word,
For He has said, “the prayer of faith
Was never yet unheard.”

If in the "fountain filled with blood"
Our sins are washed away
Come boldly to a throne of grace,
Rejoicing that we may
Come boldly to a throne of grace,
And bless the Lord our King—
Who fills our grateful hearts with praise,
And tunes our tongues to sing.

Come lovingly and trustingly,
Take Jesus at His Word,
For He has said, “the prayer of faith
Was never yet unheard.”

From every precious, golden hour
We spend in fervent prayer,
We gather strength from day to day
For each returning care;
And, while with true, believing hearts
We bow before His throne,
There’s not a promise He has made
But we may call our own.

Am I glowing yet?

2006-09-18T16:16:00.000-05:00

I had my first radiation treatment this afternoon. As expected, it was relatively short and painless. I say relatively, since they did need to retake one more x-ray, and the longer my arms have to stay above my head, the more pain is involved. But, I was in and out in seemingly no time at all. Good thing, too, because it was really hot in there.....they had a problem with the A/C unit, and there were huge fans all over the place. Hoping for a cooler time tomorrow.

After my radiation treatment, I had a follow up appointment with my surgeon. It was quick and much more painless than the last time I saw him (when he removed the drain and staples!). He said everything looked as though it was healing nicely. He also told me that I need to continue doing those goofy arm exercises until I have regained all the mobility in my arm. Yes, sir! I finally got my hands on a copy of the pathology report, one month post surgery. It didn't tell me anything that I didn't already know, but it's nice to finally have it to put in my chart.

So, I will continue to go for radiation treatments Monday through Friday for 6 and one half weeks. That takes me to the end of October. I know it will be here in the blink of an eye. I received my cancer diagnosis eight months ago today, and that seems as though it was only yesterday. So much has happened in eight months.....so many lessons to learn.....so many things for which to be thankful.

".....for I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow." ~Jeremiah 31: 13b

False start

2006-09-13T15:44:00.000-05:00

Sounds like one of Justin's football posts, doesn't it?

I thought I was having my first radiation treatment today. I was even talking to a friend on the phone as I was walking into the building for my appointment. But, instead of getting "zapped," they took a few more x-rays. The radiation oncologist came in to check my scar, and he decided he wanted to give it a few more days to heal (there are still scabs, etc.). So, my new start date is Monday, the 18th - one month to the day of my surgery and 8 months to the day of my diagnosis. I have mixed emotions, of course. I had gotten myself all psyched up for the big event. But, again, God's plans are not my plans (good thing!), and He knows better.

My recovery from surgery and subsequent pneumonia seems to be nearing completion. I had a follow up with my primary doctor yesterday. My lungs sounded fine and dandy to him. He wanted me to get both a flu shot and pneumonia shot before I left. Because I can't take shots in my left arm anymore, I got them both in my right arm. What fun! I go next Monday, after my radiation treatment, to meet with my surgeon for a follow up. Doctors, doctors, and more doctors!

So, I am free of appointments until Monday. And for that, along with so many other things, I am thankful.

Please don't forget....if you haven't had a chance and still want to support Jaybird's walk for breast cancer this weekend, visit her webpage and make a donation. She'll be walking 60 miles Friday through Sunday, plus camping at night all because she cares and wants to help fight this nasty disease. If I could be there, I would be walking by her side. Instead, I'll be praying for her stamina and comfort, for good weather, and that her husband and 3 sons won't miss her too much while she is away. Thanks, again, J - "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches and glory by Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 4:10

Help Jaybird reach her goal!!!!

2006-09-08T15:54:00.000-05:00

Next weekend, my friend Jaybird and her brother are going to be walking....and walking .....and walking........20 miles a day for 3 days to be exact! Are they doing this because they love blisters, sweat and sore muscles? Of course not!!!! This selfless act is being done out of love and a desire to raise money for breast cancer research. You can read more about the 2006 Breast Cancer 3-Day benefitting the Komen Foundation here.

If you feel so inclined, please visit J's webpage and make a donation to help her reach her goal. Every little bit helps. She would really appreciate it and, so would I!

Busy week of doctor visits.......

2006-09-06T16:49:00.000-05:00

After a nice weekend in Longview, visiting Ryan and eating at favorite restaurants until ready to burst, the girls and I came home Monday evening. The relaxation ended then, as Tuesday dawned and with it came the first of many doctor appointments for this week.

Tuesday I headed back to the oncologist for my "post-surgery" visit and another 3 week dose of Herceptin. I am firmly convinced that "Tuesday after a Monday holiday" appointments are trouble waiting to happen. First of all, the traffic on the tollway was worse than rush hour on the Dan Ryan. Then, I had to wait an hour to see the nurse practitioner. Then, they didn't have the pathology report yet, and when Janice (the NP) called the surgeon's office to get it, the office manager refused to fax it, as they had "no record of Dr. Holmes" in my file. Plus she then lectured Janice about government regs and HIPPA laws. Not a good way to start the week. We ended up calling the Pathology department at the hospital to get the report faxed over, but it will be a bit longer before I see it, as the doctor needs to review it first. Sigh......patience is a virtue. The rest of the appointment went fine; I got my Herceptin as quickly as they could drip it into my port and hightailed it out of there.

Today, I was back at the Cancer Center for my radiation "planning session." What a different type of appointment from all the others I have had! The radiation therapist who took care of me today is named Brian. He is from Trinidad, but he spent 5 minutes trying to convince me he was from Ireland! I found out that he has 4 children, he has 3 liberal arts degrees, but he is a radiation therapist because he needed to feed his family. He and his wife homeschooled their oldest 2 from grades K-3. He used to live on Long Island and has been in TX for 3.5 years. Lots of information.........all given while he was writing all over my chest with a Sharpie marker!!!

In addition to the Sharpie marker, they did a CT scan so the doctors can formulate a specific radiation plan for my body (during which time I held up both my arms over my head for at least 30 minutes!). They use all sorts of fancy 3D imaging to try their hardest to avoid shooting radiation where it doesn't belong. So, there is a lot of measuring, marking and the like. I got my first tattoos today - 8 of them. Brian told me they would pinch a little. Ummmm......no.......a few of them hurt like the dickens! He also assured me I would NOT end up looking like "Lydia, the tattooed lady." He kept his word. While the spots are permanent, they are also very small.

There are a few more steps in the planning process before I actually start radiation treatments. If I remember correctly, there are 2 more visits I will need to make to insure that everything is lined up correctly. The staff wasn't sure exactly when I would have my next appointment, but they should be calling me tomorrow to set it up. All in all, it wasn't too difficult going through all of these different procedures today. They were different, though, and for some reason I felt more like a cancer patient today than I have in a long while. Reality check. But the Lord had Brian take care of me today, and his humor helped lighten the load.

One of the other things Brian did this morning was to take my photograph when I first arrived. I was dressed in a gown by this time, so this wasn't to be a glamour shot but more of a mug shot. Brian's comment about my photo - "You have a good nun face!" ACK! I don't know if it's the hair style (what can you do when your hair is barely an inch long?) or the overabundance of gray or what, but a nun face??? Somehow that didn't give my morale a huge boost, although it was pretty funny as he went on and on about all the nuns he has known. I don't think I will be giving up my wig just yet anyway.

Tomorrow, I meet with the genetic counselor to go over the results of my (expensive) BRCA tests. Friday I do NOT have a doctor's appointment, but Kathryn does go to the orthodontist and the girls have piano, so it will be a busy day. Tonight, I think I will rest. It is amazing to me how sore I am from stretching out my arms overhead for 30 minutes and also getting 8 tattoos.

A nun face???????

M&Ms with a purpose!

2006-08-31T14:19:00.000-05:00

For all of you chocoholics out there (and even those of you who are not!) -

Pink & White M&Ms

Masterfoods USA will sell specially packaged bags of dark pink and light pink M&M’S® Chocolate Candies in retail outlets nationally from approximately August 15 through October 31, 2006. For each bag sold, Masterfoods USA will make a donation to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, with a minimum contribution of $250,000. Masterfoods will donate to Komen 35 cents for each 14-ounce package and 50 cents for each 21.3-ounce package sold. For more information, visit www.mms.com.

Back in the saddle again....

2006-08-30T11:41:00.000-05:00

Today, I made my first solo drive! Funny how what always seemed to be an easy task, like closing the car door or reaching for the seat belt, now takes more of a true effort to accomplish!

I went to see the radiation oncologist this morning. The cancer center in Tomball is a new facility and so close to the house that it seemed effortless to get there today. What a blessing after making weekly 45 minute drives to get chemo for the past 6 months!

The doctor explained the radiation treatment process to me. Actually, he explained it again, as he had already told me most of the information during our consult back in January. However, back then, I was processing information at about 50% and only retaining that which pertained to the here and now, so I needed a review.

He did an exam and wanted to see how much mobility I had regained in my left arm. I will need to keep it immobilized above my head during treatments, so that flexibility is a must. Even after doing the exercises I was given by Physical Therapy in the hospital and the Reach to Recovery lady, I still have some work to do. He suggested I up the number of times I do the exercises, from the prescribed twice a day to three or four times. Oh joy!

My therapy schedule will be 5 days a week for 6 and one half weeks. The doctor said he is giving me another week to make progress with my arm. Then, next week, I will go back for my "planning session" where they will actually make my particular plan. If all goes well, and my incision area has healed well enough, the doctor said we could probably start sessions the following week. That means I could possibly be finished with those treatments by Thanksgiving!

So, life goes on. While I am still regaining strength after having the surgery and pneumonia, little by little I am adjusting to life outside the house again. I find it difficult sometimes finding the balance between "taking it easy" and "getting things done." However, it's amazing how the body has ways of letting you know when you've reached its limit. Thankfully, the arm and shoulder exercises don't require a lot of effort, and some can even be done lying down. So, I should be able to make my goal by next week!

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." ~Philippians 4:13

Home again!

2006-08-25T17:57:00.000-05:00

Well, I got my walking papers from the hospital this afternoon. To quote the doctor, "I could keep you here, but then you might catch something else!" So, armed with 4 new prescriptions, another water jug and breathing doo-hickey (now I have twin sets of each!), and without umpteen staples and a couple of stitches, I was on my way home this afternoon. I will post more in a day or two, but I did want to update for everyone who has been so diligent in checking up on me. I don't have any "oomph" right now (another doctor word), but I hope to regain it soon.

Thanks again for your love and care,
Kim

Pneumonia

2006-08-23T19:49:00.000-05:00

A quick update about Mom. She went in to ER this afternoon and was diagnosed with pneumonia in her left lung. Supposedly it is not surgery-related, and there's no infection. I don't know anything more than that right now, other than that she'll be spending the night at the hospital.

Home!

2006-08-21T13:58:00.000-05:00

"But thou, O LORD, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head.
I cried unto the LORD with my voice, and he heard me out of his holy hill. Selah.
I laid me down and slept; I awaked; for the LORD sustained me." ~Psalm 3: 3-5

Michael and the girls brought me home from the hospital just a short while ago. Since it's hard to type one handed, and I want to rest my left arm, I won't be posting much for a little while. But, I wanted to thank everyone for their prayers, phone calls, e-mails, flowers, gifts, hospital visits, and general outpouring of love. Your support has been such a great blessing to me and the family, as well as a tangible example of Christ's love to me.

I will be taking it easy this week and getting some of the staples removed by the end of the week. Nothing much else will be going on that can't be done from the recliner! The hospital stay went without a hitch but......

"East, west....."Home is best!"

Post surgery update

2006-08-18T19:08:00.000-05:00

Just quickly... Mom went into surgery this morning around 6:30, went up to her room at 11:00 a.m. Surgery went as planned, she's resting, and is hopeful to get out of the hospital on Monday or Tuesday. Pathology report should be back on Thursday. That's what I know...

Counting the days on one hand......

2006-08-15T13:25:00.000-05:00

Everything is still a go for this Friday! I just got back from taking care of pre-op details, getting more blood drawn, having an EKG and getting an exemption from a chest x-ray since I just had one last week. My surgery (a modified radical mastectomy with axillary node disection - try saying THAT 5 times quickly!) is set for Friday morning at 7:30; we have to report at the hospital at 6:30. It's really happening......seems rather surreal. Giving medical history is always interesting for me. I try to remember every small detail, but I always seem to forget something. Today, I forgot to tell the nurse about my continuing Herceptin treatments; I remembered to tell her I completed my chemo, but I forgot about the Herceptin. Oh well, I remembered on the way down to the lab, so she wrote it on a tiny scrap of paper. Hope it makes its way to my chart!

I had my "end of chemo" visit yesterday. I got clearance for surgery and we went over the MUGA results from last week. They were quite favorable, so that means I can continue on with Herceptin for a while. I also tried to get every little question I had answered, since I won't be back for another 3 weeks. As busy as that office is, I sure do think highly of all the people that work there. They are such a caring staff. I am so thankful that God brought people into my life who recommended Dr. Holmes; she and her staff have been an answer to prayer!

I finally made it back to church yesterday and was overwhelmed by the well wishes and hellos. It was good to be in familiar surroundings again and to hear God's word preached from the pulpit instead of from the computer! Even though I will be missing a few weeks after surgery, I look forward to regularly sitting in the congregation again now that chemo is completed.

Thank you again to all who have been praying throughout this ordeal and especially as surgery is nearing. While I am looking forward to getting this phase over with and moving on, part of me isn't really exciting about going through the surgery and recovery. A friend at church encouraged me yesterday when she told me that I have gone through the hardest part of treatment already, now that chemo is completed. She said that surgery and even radiation will seem easy compared to chemo. And she should know, since she is a 10 year survivor herself!

I will try to check in after surgery or ask one of the guys to post, just to keep everyone updated. Thank you again for all of your prayers, cards, e-mails, meals, and support. I treasure all of you.

God Moves in a Mysterious Way (William Cowper)

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.

Resting.....

2006-08-08T22:56:00.000-05:00

"Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved." ~Psalm 55:22

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
~Matthew 11:28

What a promise! What a comfort! This past week was one of labor and burden, and I have needed to continually keep these Scripture verses in front of my eyes. My list of things I want to get done before surgery continues to grow as quickly as weeds in a garden. For every one thing I get checked off, I manage to add three or four.

Today was day 5 of my dad being in the hospital, and I still haven't really been able to pin a doctor down as to what is causing him to be so lethargic and unresponsive. He continues to receive antibiotics for the infection and pneumonia. He has been awake a bit each day, so we have seen slow improvement. But it is rather disconcerting to see him sleeping so much on a daily basis. I intend to try to meet with his primary doctor tomorrow to discuss what his current assessment is. As taxing as this has been, I am so very grateful that the hospital is right here, in town, just a few minutes from our home. When the call came in last Thursday (at 5 AM) that he was being transported to ER, I was able to be there in no time at all. I have been able to make daily trips to check on him. Today, I was able just to walk upstairs after having my heart scan done and go visit him in his room. So, God has been gracious to me again.

The heart scan actually went off today without a hitch (meaning, no rescheduling!). The tech even asked me what type of music I would like to hear while the scan was going on. I told her I didn't really care just as long as it wasn't obnoxious. So, as I had my heart scan, I listened to Barry Manilow crooning songs from the 70's....I got to relive my high school and college years through music!

Yesterday's Herceptin treatment came and went, also. The only difference this time was that the Benadryl dose they gave me made me so sleepy this time that I actually had to take a half hour nap in the van before I could stay awake to drive! That was a first for me. It was rather strange napping in a parking garage (rather hot, too!), but it was safer than heading out on the road feeling all groggy. After "sleeping it off," I ran a number of errands on the way home. My time away from home turned into 7 hours; needless to say, I was quite tired by the time I actually set foot in the house again.

The other news from yesterday is that my surgery date was changed. I had just finished reminding everyone at the clinic that my surgery was set for the 15th and then the surgeon's office called me on my way home and reset it for the 18th! It seems as though the docotr has to go out of town, so he had to reschedule. Yes, I am somewhat disappointed, but I am also resting in the knowledge that God must have a reason for this delay. So, that makes it okay with me. I figure it will allow me to get more things knocked off of my "to do" list!

So, instead of 6 days until my surgery, there are 9 more days. 3 more days to practice resting.

Rest of the Weary (John S. B. Monsell)

Rest of the weary, joy of the sad,
Hope of the dreary, light of the glad;
Home of the stranger, strength to the end,
Refuge from danger, Savior and Friend!

Pillow where lying, love rests its head,
Peace of the dying, life of the dead:
Path of the lowly, prize at the end,
Breath of the holy, Savior and Friend!

When my feet stumble, to Thee I’ll cry,
Crown of the humble, cross of the high;
When my steps wander, over me bend
Truer and fonder, Savior and Friend!

Ever confessing Thee, I will raise
Unto Thee blessing, glory and praise:
All my endeavor, world without end,
Thine to be ever, Savior and Friend!

Entering the home stretch.....

2006-08-01T14:23:00.000-05:00

I had my final chemo treatment yesterday. Yes, I did. It's strange how quickly time seems to have gone; yet back in February, when I was just beginning, I thought this day would never come. Yesterday was an otherwise uneventful day. I drove to the doctor's office, paid my co-pay, had my blood drawn, sat in the chair and got my drugs and then left. Plain, simple and to the point. Since I'll be back next week for Herceptin, there was no big farewell. I'll still be seeing a lot of those nurses over the rest of the year.

I scheduled another heart (MUGA) scan today. The doctor wanted me to have it done before my sugery, and surprisingly I was able to get it scheduled for next Tuesday. Of course, this is Tomball Hospital, and we do have a history of rescheduling this test. But I am hoping for the best. I also need to have a chest x-ray done that day, too. Then, I will have my "end of chemo" appointment on the 14th, the day before surgery. I am certain these next two weeks will zip by.

The ladies in the clinic with me yesterday were all discussing different aspects of their treatment, as well as the different side effects we have experienced. It amazed all of us that each individual case gets such different and specific treatment. Cancer treatment is so very individualistic these days. A common thread among us, however, was that all of us considered our side effects fairly manageable. It has been such a blessing to me to have these ladies there to "share" in the experience and give their view points. It has been a real encouragement from those who are "in the trenches" with me. I will miss these new friends when I no longer see them weekly.

As I think about the upcoming surgery, the radiation treatments and the rest of the year ahead, I find myself needing to look to God more and more, otherwise everything seems so overwhelming. I found myself humming this Fanny Crosby hymn this morning - it is one to repeat over and over again:

He is All in All to Me

There is constant joy abiding
In Christ my Lord and King;
Of His love that passeth knowledge
My heart and tongue shall sing.

He is all in all to me,
And my song of songs shall be,
Hallelujah, O my Savior,
I am trusting only Thee.

When my path is veiled in shadows,
And clouds above me roll,
I can smile amid the tempest,
His glory fills my soul.

He is all in all to me,
And my song of songs shall be,
Hallelujah, O my Savior,
I am trusting only Thee.

I can see his bow of promise
Through tears and trials deep;
I can hear His voice like music,
That lulls my care to sleep.

He is all in all to me,
And my song of songs shall be,
Hallelujah, O my Savior,
I am trusting only Thee.

I shall yet behold and praise Him,
And dwell in perfect peace
In the golden land of beauty,
Where cloud and wave shall cease.

He is all in all to me,
And my song of songs shall be,
Hallelujah, O my Savior,
I am trusting only Thee.

The countdown continues.........

2006-07-25T11:11:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I began my final chemo cycle. I will have chemo again, with Herceptin, next week and only Herceptin the following Monday. August 14 is my "post chemo" office visit with surgery scheduled the following day. Phew! I won't even begin to touch the proposed schedule for Herceptin treatments and radiation treatments yet....it is all pretty intense and hard to track.

Speaking of hard to track......I managed to goof up my appointment time yesterday. I had 10:30 written down on my calendar and planned to take care of paperwork, etc. early in the morning before heading into Houston. At 9:15, as I was finishing up, I needed to glance at the purple calendar from the doctor's office. At that time I saw that my appointment time was scheduled at 9:00. ACK! Actually, my groan was much more like Macauley Culkin's shriek in "Home Alone!" I could not believe that I had messed up so badly - I was already 1.25 hours late with a 40 minute drive ahead of me! Later, while trying to figure out what had happened to my calendar, I discovered that I had incorrectly entered 2 times, last week's too. So, that means that when I showed up my my appointment at 9 last week, I really wasn't supposed to be there until 10:30!!! Did anyone in the office say anything to me......no.......if they had, I would have been able to fix this week's time. Oh well, humility is a good character quality to work on this week, I guess.

So, I hurriedly called the doctor's office and explained my blunder, agreeing to come in and just "wait" for whatever time might come available. However, they encouraged me to come in ("take your time driving!"), and they would get me in as soon as possible. So, I hightailed it to the office and waited my turn.

The office visit went well. The doctor continues to be pleased at the physical changes she sees. As she explains it to me, those changes are indicative that treatment is continuing to work. There are no palpable masses that she can detect, and the other issues also see to have resolved themselves. I will need to have another heart scan (MUGA) as well as a chest x-ray before surgery, but that is all.

It was a v-e-r-y slow day in the clinic yesterday; even the nurses were puzzled. There are 8 chairs, and they are almost always full with people waiting in line for them to empty. Yesterday, when I walked into the clinic, only 2 chairs were in use. Within an hour, I was the lone patient in the back. Believe it or not, it got a bit lonely back there. It was nice and quiet for napping, except dozing is really all one can expect when staff is always walking in and out, changing out drugs, etc. Another man came in about 15 minutes before I was set to leave; I felt badly for leaving him there alone!

We got an official letter from the insurance company over the weekend, denying coverage for the genetic test. I was on the phone with the testing center today to see what we need to do to have them go ahead with it and just self-pay. It's too late to get results back to make surgical decisions, but we have decided that having the information will be good for any other possible needs, as well as having more information for the children in the future. While it would have been nice to have the insurance coverage, it isn't the end of the world. God provides for all of our needs, this one included!

So, it seems as though it is full steam ahead now, with August 15 in sight as the next BIG event. There is a lot of busy work to do around here before hand, and that will help take my mind off of the surgery looming ahead. Just need to stay healthy and keep the blood counts good until then!

"My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings. Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart. For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh. Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Put away from thee a froward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee. Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee. Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established. Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil."~ Proverbs 4:20-27

Friday morning musings............

2006-07-21T10:22:00.000-05:00

Kathryn and I are still dealing with this virus today. I cancelled her piano lesson, for our sakes as well as to keep the virus in our home and out of the teacher's.

So we are staying close to the bathroom today. Her fever is gone, and she would be back to normal except for this intestinal issue. My fever flared again last evening but is gone again today. Following the doctor's orders: finish the course of antibiotics, watch my temp, drink lots of fluids and watch for other symptoms. Please pray that this doesn't mess up Monday's chemo.

A side note: due to flight issues on Southwest, Michael is coming home from Chicago tomorrow evening and driving to Dallas on Monday morning. It will be nice to have him home for that short time. Too bad he had to lug all that extra baggage with him!

Midweek update

2006-07-20T15:24:00.000-05:00

I have found that if I don't update on Mondays, the week gets away from me. This week has been no different. Since the week is half over now, you get a bigger update!

1. Monday - I head to the doctor for Herceptin. The clinic is much more quiet this week than last; I even get a short nap! Upon my arrival home, Kathryn tells me, "I think I am sick." She most definitely is, running a low grade fever, complete with chills and body ache.

2. Tuesday - First thing in the morning we receive a call that a long time family friend has died. While it was expected, it was not expected so soon. Michael and I meet with the surgeon in the afternoon and schedule my surgery for Tuesday, August 15. It is on the hospital calendar, although there are a few factors that are still undecided. We have decisions to make!

3. Wednesday - A 9:15 appointment with the gynecologist takes all morning (we are on time but she isn't). We discuss my cancer treatment so far, and I fill her in on surgery. We discuss a few more issues, and she sends me home with a month's worth of iron supplements! Bonus! Michael leaves for Chicago and the funeral. He will fly from Chicago to Dallas on Sunday for business, so he won't be home until Wednesday of next week. Towards the middle of the evening, I am not feeling well, so I take my temp and discover a fever over 100.5 which means I have to call in to the oncologist's office. The doctor on call tells me to start on an antibiotic even though we both agree that it is probably viral and passed to me from Kathryn (who is still sick, by the way). A restless night of sleep ensues as I am hot and cold all night long.

4. Thursday - Kathryn wakes up feeling better; today is the first day she has been up and dressed since Monday. While she is not back to normal yet, she is well on her way (water is tasting normal again, so she tells me!). My fever is gone. I still feel tired, but I think that is from lack of sleep last night. I call the oncologist's office to speak with the nurses, to fill them in on my evening. They instruct me to continue the antibiotic for a full 5 days and to watch for other symptoms. I get a gold star for calling in, though! Later, I speak with the genetic testing firm about the test they are supposed to be running for me. It turns out that the test which we thought would be back by 7/28 hasn't even been started yet. And it takes 4 weeks for the results! The issue at hand is that the lab is waiting on insurance approval/denial (we knew they would wait). While I was told approval would take about 1 week, it is now 4 full weeks since they drew my blood. The cost of the test is $3000, so we really want to see if insurance will cover it. The results of the test hold the pieces of the puzzle as to whether or not I have a genetic predisposition to breast cancer; the results are also wanted to make definitive decisions about my surgery. Now it is unclear if we might even have the results back in time since my surgery date is only 26 days away. I will talk to the oncologist on Monday and get her perspective on everything.

And so goes life......trying to sort out all of these decisions and waiting for information to help come up with the answers. Most of all, it means resting on the Lord and knowing that even though it all seems confusing and frustrating and overwhelming from my vantage point He sees the big picture from beginning to end. Actually, He even knows what's going to happen, and I can rest in knowing that it will be for my good.

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." ~Romans 8:28

Monday, Monday.......so good to me.......

2006-07-10T23:09:00.000-05:00

because I got my chemo and only have 2 more b-i-g treatments left! And here, you probably thought I was going to sing through the entire Mamas and the Papas song. Nah, I will spare you, but yes, I am old enough to remember watching them live!

The actual infusion part of my day was just the same as any other day. But the weird part of the day was the atmosphere in the clinic. It was LOUD from the time I sat down until the time I left, 2.5 hours later! It isn't that large a room; it has 6 chemo recliners in it. But the doorway to the hallway is pretty wide, so the sound doesn't usually get trapped.

Today was different because the men outnumbered the ladies. My experience has been that on Mondays, especially when I have an early morning appointment (rather than arriving at 11 or so), the tone of the crowd is usually a little chatty, but then the ladies either submerse themselves in a book or take a nap. Last Monday, we had a man join us who slept the entire time he was in the chair. In fact, I think he took after my dad and fell asleep before he even got his drugs started! Today, we had 3 men whom I had never met before, in addition to Mr. H, the sleeper. One of these new men had his wife stay with him in the suite (not the norm - spouses are usually asked to remain in the waiting room, as the suite is small and there is no extra seating). This man also brought his iPod with him, and despite his using headphones, we could hear every single song he listened to.......clearly.

I like to nap during my treatments. I will socialize at the beginning, but once I get the shot of Benadryl, I get drowsy. I figure 'why fight it?' So, I nap, like so many others. None of the men napped today (well, Mr. H. might have except I don't think he had his treatment today - he didn't stay in the suite very long). They talked, and laughed, and guffawed, and talked really loudly!!!! And the man's wife who was there....she just fit right in with them all. So, I didn't nap. But I did "rest my eyes," as Grandpa would say. I tried, but it was just impossible.

One funny thing that I did overhear, while I was pretending to sleep (hey, I thought if I looked like I was trying to sleep, maybe they would tone it down some! It didn't work.), came from the discussion they were having about the current Astros losing streak, It seems as though the lady who was sitting next to me was at the same game our family went to last week! She was complaining how the Astros lost......I was nice, held my tongue, and didn't gloat about how my team won that night! Why spoil their party?

Next week, I will be meeting with the surgeon to schedule my surgery. The target time is the week of August 13th. I would appreciate prayer that the surgeon can work me into his schedule, as the timing is really not all that flexible. I had a dream that he couldn't do it that week becuase he was going on vacation for a month......and then they told me I would have to keep having chemo until he got back! You might say, it was more like a nightmare! Seriously, I am resting in God's sovereignty in this area, too. He hasn't failed me yet; I know He won't fail me in the future.

"My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth." ~Psalm 121:2

What a difference a week makes.......

2006-07-04T00:19:00.000-05:00

No, my fingertips didn't seem any less red to me today, but I am not the one signing the chemo orders. They did look less red to those in charge ("the issue is resolved"), so TPTB signed the orders, and I got my drugs. I think it rather strange that I, the person who shrinks from taking cold meds and aspirin, would be so excited about getting toxic drugs pumped through my veins. "Whatever it takes," is my new motto! The actual infusion time was uneventful, and Nurse M was back, filling in for someone on vacation - I got a chance to say an official goodbye and extend my thanks to her.

Ryan drove me to chemo today, since he was in town for the holiday weekend. It was nice to have someone to drive with. We also ran a few errands and had lunch at Panera, taking home the proverbial "mother lode" in bagels.

I got a short nap in upon returning home, waking just in time to head to dinner and the mall with Ryan and the girls. Justin was taking a law school final at home this evening, and I wanted him to have it as quiet as possible. On our drive home, I told Ryan that this was the first time I had undertaken so much activity on a chemo day. I wonder how I will feel tomorrow.......as we head out for the day to Kemah.....hmmm, time will tell.

Thus began my second to the last cycle.......only 6 more weeks left, Lord willing!

Being thankful even when we don't want to......

2006-06-26T21:08:00.000-05:00

I didn't get my chemo today. I was supposed to receive it. I went to my apponitment with the expectation of being there for a long time, with an IV plugged into me. But things don't always go the way we plan them.

God sometimes has other plans, although we don't always know the reasons, and that doesn't always set well.

While I was having my exam, the nurse kept asking me about the side effects I had charted over the past 3 weeks. We discussed everything from my GI issues to sleep disturbances. Then she asked me about my hands and feet. One of the common side effects of one of the drugs I am taking is redness on the soles of the feets and the palms and fingertips of the hands. Like a good girl, I stuck out my hands, thinking nothing is abnormal, and she said, "Oooh, your hands are red. Let me see your feet." I show her my feet, forgetting about the remnants of the old blisters I got while traipsing all over the lakefront during my recent Chicago trip, and she says, "Oh, look at how red and cracked your feet are!" Seriously, I didn't think my hands and feet looked any different than when I was in the office 3 weeks ago (with fresh blisters!). She pointed out the tips of my fingers, to try to get me to see what she meant, but I still didn't believe her. Then the PA came in and was greeted with, "You need to look at the redness in her hands and feet." Great.......

So, the PA continued to expound on how red my hands and feets were. In my mind, I am saying. "Pink, yes. But, red, NO!" And when I last checked, pink was an acceptable color. The bottom line is that after all was said and done (and the rest of the exam was completed), the PA wanted to delay chemo one week to let the redness clear up. At first I thought I would just not get the one particular offending drug, but no, they wouldn't let me have anything.

Man, I was not happy. We had just been talking about setting up my surgery and what week it would be. Now, the surgery will need to be set for a week later. It'll be mid August now. Sigh.

Driving home, I had to work very hard to remind myself that God has a purpose for this delay, too. I reminded myself that this was my first and only glitch so far; I am sure there are others who have had many more delays and for more derious reasons. I reminded myself that I need to be thankful for health care providers who watch for these things rather than let them slide. As I have already stated, it wasn't something I was concerned about, but I learned I should be more diligent in watching out for less obvious things. And, I purposed that I will try to make the most of this "free" week, catching up on things around the house and spending time with the girls.

So, there is no chemo report to report about tonight. God gave me a week off for His reasons. And I thank Him for it.

"Whate’er my God ordains is right. Though now this cup, in drinking, may bitter seem to my faint heart; I take it all unshrinking. My God is true, each morn anew, sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart, and pain and sorrow shall depart." ~Samuel Rodigast (1649-1708)

Traveling on Tuesday.........

2006-06-20T19:22:00.000-05:00

Today was much drier than yesterday even though we still got overnight rain, and it was raining as I drove to the doctor's office. But the roads were clear, so I was able to report for my appointment with no trouble. Labwork was no trouble, either. I did see a few of my Monday friends today since they, too, had rescheduled their appointments from yesterday. The clinic was full.

I found out that one of my favorite nurses transferred to another office. WAH! I hate it when they just up and leave and don't let you know. Granted, it's not like they must tell you these things. But last week, she didn't say "boo" about it. Today I hear "Nurse M will be at X office permanently from now on." I feel cheated; I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get a chance to thank her for the care she's given me over the months I've been going there. There is another nurse now to take her place. But she doesn't know me yet. Changes.....I never have liked them...

Only 2 more cycles to go!

This week I am supposed to go for an appointment to talk about having genetic testing done. This test would determine whether or not I carry a mutant gene which makes me predisposed to breast cancer. My family history indicates that it is probably true. While having that information really doesn't matter as far as my diagnosis, it would give us information that my surgeon would use in determining exactly what surgical procedure to do in August. As it looks right now, our insurance doesn't cover either the consultation on Thursday or the actual test itself. Please pray for wisdom as we decide whether or not to go ahead with the testing as most likely the test will be quite costly (what isn't these days?). God can definitely provide the funds, if necessary.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."~Proverbs 3:5-6

Rained out........

2006-06-19T10:03:00.000-05:00

Overnight, we experienced what in Houston is called a "rain event." This is what the local weather people call what happens when a lot of rain falls on the city in a short time period. The result usually is major street flooding. Last night and this morning were no different. While we didn't get a torrent of rain northwest of the city, there were parts of the southern side which I hear got around 12 inches. This is what the morning radar looked like, after the brunt of the storm had passed through:

Anyway, I started out for the doctor's office in good faith this morning (trying to leave early, but not quite making it), but the roads were so bad between the parking lot on the freeway and the flooded local roads that I packed it in and headed home. I figured that since the office is in an area notorious for flooding, my chances of avoiding problems diminished greatly as I headed south. It was taking me forever to navigate just in the areas which didn't get a lot of rain.

Instead, I headed to Wal-Mart to do some much needed shopping and avoided a lot of crowds since it was early in the morning and raining, to boot! While in Wal-Mart, I called the doctor's office and rescheduled my appointment for tomorrow morning. By then, the waters should have subsided!

Cancer humor....first grade style....

2006-06-13T15:47:00.000-05:00

Like I said, yesterday's office visit was uneventful but very busy. There were a number of new people and also some "new to me" people. One older woman slowly made her way into through the office door and signed in even more slowly. Then she walked over to where three of us were sitting, waiting to be called back. She haltingly began her message:

Old lady: "Do you know what be-nign means?"
Younger lady sitting to my right: "Benign?"
Old lady: "Be-nign."
Younger lady: "It means not malignant."
Old lady: "No, it's what comes after you be-eight.....you be-nine!!"

We all chuckled as this little old lady made her way slowly to a seat across the room. She laughed all the way as she sat down. I hope we made her day. She told us then that these are the kinds of jokes told by retired first grade teachers. I bet so.

This was my very first cancer riddle. I wonder how many more of them are out there.

Maalox to the rescue!

2006-06-13T15:17:00.000-05:00

Boy, the heartburn has been bad these past few days. Even when I don't eat anything, it's there. And I am really noticing changes in taste recently. Water even tastes weird, which makes drinking a lot of it post-chemo a hard thing to do. Salt is about the only thing that tastes good to me right now....how sad is that?

Yesterday's chemo session was fairly uneventful. It was a very busy Monday, even on the tollway. I walked into the office one minute past my appointment time, which is unusual for me (especially when I am driving by myself!). It took a bit to be called back for my blood draw, but I got in a chair not too long after that. All the chairs were filled quickly, and most everyone was there for a longer time period. I leafed through one magazine, napped a bit, and spent the rest of the time just listening to the stories that were being told around me. There is one older lady who is a native Houstonian; she loves to tell stories about when there was no I-45, etc. Her latest recommendation is that we "youngsters" (ha!) all need to be enlightened in the "olden days", so she told us we have to go to the Heights to the Yale Street Pharmacy and have lunch at the Grill there. It's news to me, but then again, I'm not even a native Texan, let alone a native Houstonian. I couldn't even begin to figure out how to get there without Mapquest, but I may just take her up on it one of these days. Sounds like fun.

Something else that struck me yesterday was the looks on the faces of the people who were coming in for the first time. I wonder if Michael and I looked as shell shocked on my first chemo day. I bet we did. How long ago that day seems, even though it was only about 4 months ago. The new people are always taken to a separate room for their first time, so it's pretty easy to tell who is new. Yesterday there were a number of newbies, and for some reason their facial expressions caught my eye. They all had very stressed and worried faces, very much in tune with the next path they were undertaking. It gave me a chance to pray for them, and next time, I can look for them in the big room to hopefully spread some encouragement.

So, today I am fighting reflux and fatique. Last night was a rather sleepless one. And no matter how hard I try, I can't motivate myself to do much that is productive while I am up in the wee hours of the morning. I did check some of the girls' schoolwork; I also looked through a cookbook for some easy dinner ideas. But the clock said 4 AM, and my brain said "I wanna go to sleep." Unfortunately my body wasn't cooperating!

We have a wonderful dinner waiting for us tonight, thanks to a sweet lady from our church. Many thanks again to all of you who still shower us with prayers, food and encouragement. You are such faithful friends, and we love you all.

Yesterday, while I was in my recliner, resting with my eyes closed, listening to the voices around me, I heard one lady conversing with an older man. This lady has been coming much longer than I, and I see her nearly every Monday, but I don't really "know" her. But I learned there is another sister in the Lord there on Mondays, as I listened to her quote Scripture to this man - "But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed."- Isaiah 53:5

Checking in with an overdue update......

2006-06-07T10:54:00.000-05:00

Please excuse the delay in updating. There are a myriad of reasons, but to go into them would mean writing a fair amount of drivel. I try to avoid drivel....hence the lapse in blog posts!

I was able to start the month of June off on a better note than I ended May, after an adjustment to medication that enabled me to distance myself from the bathroom. Last week was a breath of fresh air; I felt quite blessed to feel normal again. The week also brought with it a reason for a quick trip up to Illinois. I could feel God's hand in the timing of it all, as I never would have been able to make the trip just one week earlier. Kathryn and I were able to travel quite well. We saw family, friends, and had an exhausting day tromping through downtown Chicago. However, if you are interested in more details of that trip, you have to read the family blog.

This week, I was slated to start my second of four cycles in this second half of my treatment schedule. However, Friday, while in IL, I received a call from the nurse who told me not to expect chemo on Monday (my normal chemo day), as there was a supply problem and she probably would not have one of the drugs I needed. She still wanted me to come for my scheduled doctor exam, though. So, Monday, Michael and I drove in, and I had my exam (things look good and my MUGA results were good, too). After my exam, the nurse came in to tell me that they had FedExed the drugs in, so I could have chemo that day! Wow, what a surprise - I wasn't sure whether to be happy or sad. I hadn't planned on staying for another 2 hours, so I had no snacks, water, reading material, etc. On the other hand, having the drugs then would eliminate the need to come in the next day and cause less disruption to the schedule. So, I decided that this was a good thing and happily went to await having my blood drawn. Michael even went to Subway to get me a sandwich.

After having my blood drawn and while awaiting the results, I began to hear the nurses talking about my chart....hmmmm......not a good thing, I thought. I really couldn't figure out the problem, but I didn't need to wait long because the nurse came out to talk to me. The office has a policy that in order to dispense chemo, there must be one doctor on site. That day, there was only one doctor in the office, and he had received an emergency call that was going to take him away for the rest tof the day. They could finish up with the patients who were already in the chairs, but since I had not started my treatment yet, they need to have me come back the next day (now I was back on Tuesday, like I had originally anticipated)! Talk about confusing!!! So, I walked out of the office, only to meet Michael coming out of the parking garage with my sandwich in hand. We headed home, making a few errand stops on the way.

Tuesday dawned, and we headed back down to the doctor's office. This time, I didn't need bloodwork done, as it had been drawn the day before. I wouldn't be seeing the doctor, either. I was only there for chemo, so things progressed fairly quickly. I even slept soundly in the chair for about an hour. After my treatment was over, a friend picked me up to bring me home. We stopped at Panera Bread for lunch, which was fun, since we hadn't had lunch together in ages.

So, this week was a bit out of the ordinary in the sequence of things, but the important thing is that I did get to have my regular chemo treatment. An additional blessing is that the nurse was able to arrange the schedule so that I can go back to Mondays. I had been concerned that this would throw off my Mondays, but it won't! The only glitch was that I had to miss the Cubs game last night as I was too tired after treatment (even counting the nap in the chair and the hour nap I took at home) to make it through a 6 hour baseball adventure with the family. Anyone who knows me well knows that I had to be feeling p-r-e-t-t-y badly to give up a trip to see the Cubs. Twas true....sad, but true.

It will be interesting to see how the adjustment in drug dosage affects me. I am certainly hoping for better results than last time and would covet your prayers that I tolerate this reduced dosage more easily. I need to again say how much I appreciate the prayers that you send my way. I had 3 cards waiting for me when I returned from Chicago, each telling me how the sender was praying for me and our family. It is so encouraging to know that there are prayer partners out there, petitioning for me before the Father's throne. Thank you very much.

"Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah." ~Psalm 61: 1-4

Looking ahead.............

2006-05-27T14:24:00.000-05:00

At the end of a long, hard week, this hymn reminds me of what is really important.

When We See Christ (by Esther Kerr Rusthoi)

Oft times the day seems long, our trials hard to bear,
We're tempted to complain, to murmur and despair;
But Christ will soon appear to catch His Bride away,
All tears forever over in God's eternal day.

It will be worth it all when we see Jesus,
Life's trials will seem so small when we see Christ;
One glimpse of His dear face all sorrow will erase,
So bravely run the race till we see Christ.

Sometimes the sky looks dark with not a ray of light,
We're tossed and driven on , no human help in sight;
But there is one in heav'n who knows our deepest care,
Let Jesus solve your problem - just go to Him in pray'r.

It will be worth it all when we see Jesus,
Life's trials will seem so small when we see Christ;
One glimpse of His dear face all sorrow will erase,
So bravely run the race till we see Christ.

Life's day will soon be o'er, all storms forever past,
We'll cross the great divide, to glory, safe at last;
We'll share the joys of heav'n - a harp, a home, a crown,
The tempter will be banished, we'll lay our burden down.

It will be worth it all when we see Jesus,
Life's trials will seem so small when we see Christ;
One glimpse of His dear face all sorrow will erase,
So bravely run the race till we see Christ.

Monday morning surprises........

2006-05-23T12:09:00.000-05:00

This week's treatment appointement was at 9 AM; I was very happy since my last 3 or 4 appointments have been closer to noon. I figured that since this was a shorter appointment, I would be out of there by 10:30 or so and then head happily back home to tackle the week. HA!

What I did not know was that I was due a chemo treatment again this week. What's worse is that I didn't find it out until I was ready to leave, as the nurse was setting me up with another bag! Talk about confusion! Here I was saying, "What's up with this? I had my chemo last week!" There was Nurse Denise saying, "Let me go check." I could hear mumbling in the room across the hall as she checked my chart and spoke with someone whom I couldn't see. Then she marched right back in, hooked up the second bag, and told me, "I was right! You get the Taxotere on days 1 and 8. Now stop trying to confuse me!" Of course, all of this was said with a smile; the oncology nurses are so nice and really do care about all of us.

Anyway, I wasn't happy that I had to sit for another hour and a half, getting another chemo treatment. What caused the mix up? I am not quite sure. I do know that when I got home yesterday, I read my chemo calendar and saw the word "chemo" written in the square, along with Herceptin and labs. Did I notice this before? No, but I had only checked the calendar for my appointment time. The most puzzling thing is that I am sure that the nurse who made the calendar for me and who explains all the details of the treatments never told me about this. I am certain I would remember, if she had. Oh well, c'est la vie, I always say.

Having to get another treatment wasn't the worst thing in the world. Sure, I got out later than I had hoped, but I took a lunch detour to Panera Bread for a Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich as a consolation prize. What bothered me more was that I was expecting one thing and got another. What I was expecting was a week where my body would get a chance to recover from last week's treatment. What I got instead was another hit to the immune system and another chance to watch for more side effects. The Decadron they gave me kept me awake until nearly 3 this morning; I really don't want to start a cycle of taking something to help me sleep. I asked Michael to cancel the vet appointment I had made for this morning, and I was able to get a 2 hour nap, until the neighbor's lawn care service woke me up. I feel much better now!

This week won't be as busy as others. My dad was discharged yesterday from the hospital, so I don't have that issue to deal with anymore. I should (she says with skepticism) have my MUGA scan at the hospital on Thursday, and there is always piano on Friday. Of course, the in-house "to do" list is never-ending, but what else is new?

So today, I am thanking the Lord for extra chemo treatments to kill those pesky cancer cells, the insurance coverage we have that pays for them, the initiative and discipline the girls have that enables me to give them assignments they can do while I nap (!), and a husband who will take the dog to the vet on Saturday, so I didn't have to today!

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"~Psalm 27:1

No MUGA today.......

2006-05-19T13:20:00.000-05:00

Don't you hate it when you are practically on your way OUT the door for an appointment, and someone calls to CANCEL it?! That is what just happened with my heart scan (MUGA). It wouldn't be so irritating except that Tomball Hospital and I have an adversarial relationship when it comes to this particular teat. In January, when I was in the throes of testing AND dealing with the news of this diagnosis, they rescheduled the test without my knowledge....so, when I went there, they said, "Oh, you have been rescheduled for Monday." Grrr, you can be sure that Patient Relations heard from me on that one!

This time, I was barely home from scheduling the test before they were calling to reschedule it.....for today. This was two weeks ago. Just a few minutes ago, I was getting ready to leave to go over to the hospital when I received a call to reschedule the test AGAIN. Sigh. Don't ask me why....something about new software and the cameras not working properly....blah, blah, blah. He lost me at, "we need to reschedule."

Anyway, my new test date is next Thursday. Now, I still have to go out to run the errands that I saved for that trip. So much for fuel economy today!

FYI, an update on this week's side effects - definite fatigue, as my sleep patterns have been disrupted, although it isn't anything a nap or two won't cure (if there is time for a nap!), gastrointestinal distress of MAJOR proportions (how does one put that delicately?), and enough reflux to bring me back to eating mostly "white" food again. The possible issues with my hands and feets (pain, redness, and tingling) haven't manifested themselves yet, so I am glad about that.

Off to take care of the rest of life!

Started phase two.........

2006-05-16T17:00:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was round 1 of phase 2. Two new drugs, along with my buddy Herceptin. I also saw the doctor as is the norm for chemo weeks. She had the results back from last Tuesday's PET scan, and the news was good. In layman's terms. the tumor in the breast is no longer visible, and the lymph node has decreased in size from 2.7 cm to 1.6 cm. The skin thickening is still there, but it as noted now as minimal. The report states, "These results are compatible with favorable response to therapy." Oh, and there were no other spots seen! Praise the Lord for answered prayer!

It still remains to be seen how these new drugs will affect my body and which side effects will show up. I had a very sleepless night last night which is normal due to the steriods they give before the chemo infusion. Other than fatigue, I feel fairly well today. I am hoping that this continues for the rest of the week. I still need to monitor my weight, temp and every little ache, pain or sniffle that I feel. I have a whole new arsenal of drugs on my desk to combat the myriad of side effects which might show up. I am hoping that the bottles never are opened, but at least they are here, if I need them.

I received a very encouraging e-mail from an online friend in IL this past weekend. She is in the midst of a battle with ovarian cancer; she is a sweet sister in the Lord who has been a kindred spirit to me during this time. In her note to me, she encouraged me to look at this new course of meds as "reserve warriors saved to add their brawn to the fray." Before each treatment, we pray that the Lord will use the drugs to fight off the cancer, and this was a good reminder to me that this really is a battle and God is at the head of the campaign. What a comfort it is to know that I don't have to be the one in charge.

I have my heart scan scheduled for Friday; it's not my most favorite test, but at least I don't need to drink barium for it! My doctor said my heart sounded fine yesterday, so she doesn't anticipate any problems. Herceptin is known to cause weakened heart muscle, though, so they need to check things out every 3 months or so. Prayers for a strong heart would be appreciated!

Thanks to all who have written, called, sent food, flowers and gifts lately. Your gestures of love are much appreciated and welcomed. Most of all, I know you are praying for me and the family and that means the world to me. Your petitions before the throne of grace are what help us to put one foot in front of the other on this walk of faith. Thank you for being our partners in this walk.

Put Thou Thy Trust in God (Paul Gerhardt, 1656, translated from German to English by John Wesley in 1739)

Put thou thy trust in God,
In duty’s path go on;
Walk in His strength with faith and hope,
So shall thy work be done.

Commit thy ways to Him,
Thy works into His hands,
And rest on His unchanging Word,
Who Heav’n and earth commands.

Though years on years roll on,
His cov’nant shall endure;
Though clouds and darkness hide His path,
The promised grace is sure.

Give to the winds Thy fears;
Hope, and be undismayed;
God hears thy sighs and counts thy tears;
God shall lift up thy head.

Through waves, and clouds, and storms,
His power will clear thy way;
Wait thou His time, the darkest night
Shall end in brightest day.

Leave to His sovereign sway
To choose and to command;
So shalt thou, wond’ring, own His way,
How wise, how strong His hand.

Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk

2006-05-11T09:01:00.000-05:00

I have a friend named Jaybird. Well, that's really not her name but her online name. She is training right now for a very important event in her city. It's called the Breast Cancer 3-Day. That's right....Jaybird is working hard now so she can walk 60 (yes, sixty!) miles over 3 days to raise money to help fund research for to help find a cure for breast cancer.

I told her that I wanted to help her reach her support goal, so I would tell you about her efforts here. If you are interested in learning more, please visit her fundraising page. Please consider a small donation to the cause. Just in my own extended family alone, there have been 6 women besides myself who have been touched by this disease. If I was to include friends and acquaintances in that total, I would need more than my 2 hands to count. It's sad, but true.

I'm on Jaybird's team - how about you?

Trying to get through the list........

2006-05-10T09:23:00.000-05:00

This is a very busy week for me. I am finding that I need to try to plan things around the chemo weeks. So, this week I have planned something which takes me away from the house each and every day of the week. The week looks something like this:

Monday - drive to doctor's office for Herceptin treatment
Tuesday - 8 AM PET scan, followed by quick trip to mall (yeah, right) and Sam's
Wednesday - orthodontist appointment for Kathryn
Thursday - take Meaghan and friends out for a very belated birthday lunch
Friday - piano lesson
Saturday - baby shower and dinner with friends

Of course, this does nothing to help me get through me "in the house" to do list, but that's another story.

I told Michael yesterday, after returning from the mall, that I wish I had the stamina I used to have (maybe when I was 25? LOL!). I was out for nearly 6 hours and came home very tired. I also needed to stop by the pharmacy yesterday to fill new prescriptions to start the new chemo drugs on Monday. I need eye drops to help counteract a possible side effect; I need stuff to help ward off yeast infections.....the list goes on.....It's really all fine, but it is a bit hard to keep track of everything!

I'm dealing with some joint pain this morning. Actually, it was late yesterday, too. So, I need to call the nurses to see what I can take. In the past, if I ever had an ache similar to this, I would take Advil. But, I'm not supposed to take that now, so I need to see if they have an alternative for me. Not that I really want to take something else, after all, but the pain is making me uncomforatble enough I would like it to go away!

Lest anyone think I am being a "whiner-baby," things here are actually going quite well! We have a long-awaited new refrigerator which is making all sorts of ice now. We are finishing up with our school year and making plans for what new classes we will take on for the summer. Work is going well for Michael. He's putting in lots of hours, but what else is new? God is blessing in so many areas, it's hard to list them all!

Speaking of blessings......I just got a very unexpected flower delivery. There is a beautiful vase of flowers sitting in front of me now, accompanied by a wonderfully encouraging note. What a loving gift from some very special friends. And what a great way to start out the day! I think it is so neat how God knows just the right times to send blessings by our way.

"Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not his benefits: who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases." ~Psalm 103: 1-2

Coming out of the fog......slowly......

2006-05-03T07:58:00.000-05:00

Last week is a blur. I walked out of the doctor's office in a fog and never really woke up all week long! Why was this chemo treatment so rough? Who knows; all I can say is that last week's "to do" list has rolled over to this week's. I still have to schedule the PET and heart scans. I think I will try to get that done today, too.

"White" food has become a staple in my life. White bread, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, rice, saltines.....get the picture? It seems as though anything with too much "color" sets off a chain reaction in my digestive tract. The heartburn alone is overwhelming at times. This creates problems in the meal planning department here, too. I have found it hard to get the creative juices flowing when I have no desire to eat the food....or can't eat the food. Having Michael and Justin out of town may be God's way of dealing with this for me. The girls are much more flexible and forgiving than hungry men!

All in all, things are going well. Indigestion, digestive troubles and fatigue are minor complaints in the grand scheme of things. Having a head that resembles a beloved character out of a Charlie Brown comic is a minor thing, too. I have so many things to be thankful for - family, friends, and most importantly, a Heavenly Father who is holding my hand each step of this uncertain path. When I am weak, He is strong.

What a Friend We Have in Jesus (Joseph M. Scriven, 1855)

What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he'll take and shield thee;
thou wilt find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised
Thou wilt all our burdens bear;
May we ever, Lord, be bringing
All to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright, unclouded,
There will be no need for prayer—
Rapture, praise, and endless worship
Will be our sweet portion there.

Thank you for your prayers.....

2006-04-25T09:40:00.000-05:00

I passed yesterday's labwork test! Yay! I was able to receive my fourth round of chemo without a hitch. My doctor's appointment was encouraging as well, as the doctor noted that she couldn't even feel the lymph node to measure it. She sent me away with an order for another PET scan as well as a heart scan. The PET scan will help her to see what is actually going on with the tumors, as right now, as she describes it, "We are working in the dark." Since she can't feel anything right now, she can't know for sure what is actually still there. The heart scan is to help determine how my heart muscle has responded to the 10 weeks of Herceptin. So, by my next office visit (3 weeks) we should have more clinical evidence of what my status is.

I came home yesterday feeling exhausted. More tired than I have in a long time. Thank the Lord for cheap pizza night at Papa John's! Everyone was happy, and I didn't have to cook. I laid down for a rest after dinner and ended up sleeping for 1.5 hours. I was afraid that the nap would interfere with my regular sleep, but thankfully I had no problem sleeping until 6 this morning.

I thank you again for your prayers and notes of encouragement that have come over the past few weeks. It is very special to have so many people conveying their love and well wishes.

"The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." ~James 5:16

God is in control......always and forever

2006-04-19T09:39:00.000-05:00

This Monday was the first day I've been concerned about my labwork results. I remembered to ask for a copy right before I left the doctor's office, but I didn't look at the numbers until I got home. What I saw was a LOT of line items reading "L" and "LL", denoting that these levels were either low or very low. I am by no means an expert at reading lab results, but I do know that if certain levels get too low, I won't be able to receive my chemo treatment next Monday.

Next Monday, I am scheduled to receive my 4th chemo cycle, placing me halfway through the "plan." I know I will then be due for another heart scan (MUGA) and who knows what else as they test to see what toll the first couple of months have taken on the rest of my body. This is a treatment I r-e-a-l-l-y don't want to miss. So, faced with these low numbers, I found myself thinking what I could do to get those numbers up. I looked on the Internet; I asked friends. I was going out of town, until Friday, so there was really nothing I could do with the doctors, as I would be out of the area. I found myself getting frustrated and shaken, realizing that there was virtually nothing I could do. I would just have to see what happened on Monday, with the next blood draw.

Last night, as I was lying awake (although trying to fall asleep!), I realized that I had taken my eyes off of the One who could change the numbers. Why should bloodwork be exempt from God's control? More importantly, why didn't I think of that first before wasting all my time worrying about what I could do to fix things? Don't get me wrong - I know that there are ways to boost the immune system and build a healthier body. But those things are long term processes, not something that can be achieved in less than a week. Coupled with my out of town trip, quick fixes aren't available right now. But.....prayer is. And petitioning the Lord for good numbers on Monday is a good way to focus my attention on His works rather than mine.

So, I would ask for your prayers this week, that God would work in my body to rebuild my blood to the point that the numbers would be favorable for me to receive the chemo treatment on Monday. He is Jehovah Rophi....the Lord who heals.

"And said, If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the LORD that healeth thee." ~Exodus 15:26

Attitude is everything

2006-04-19T09:30:00.000-05:00

I received this in an e-mail from a friend and thought I would share it. I definitely can identify with this story!

Subject: Attitude is Everything!

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she hadonly two hairs on her head. "H-M-M, " she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today." So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. "Well," she said, "Today I 'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head. "YEAH!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"

Attitude is everything.

Monday's trip........

2006-04-12T08:23:00.000-05:00

This Monday's Herceptin treatment came and went without much fanfare. I drove myself as Michael had to be downtown for jury duty (he got picked, by the way!). Driving myself threw off my "routine" a bit. Not a lot, mind you, but things just felt out of sync. For instance, I forgot to apply the lidocaine cream to my port area (I usually do this while riding in the car, about 30 minutes before arriving at the doctor's office). I had been sitting in the waiting room a good 15 minutes before I remembered. I applied it anyway, but it didn't have a chance to numb the port area. Oh well. So, I just "bit the bullet" when the nurse stuck me. It just hurt a little......really.

My scalp had been really tender over the weekend, so I decided to forgo wearing "my hair" and just cover my head with a scarf. Meaghan told me that with my hoop earrings, I looked like a gypsy. We discovered that depending on how the knot is placed, I can go from gypsy to pirate to Aunt Jemima in a matter of seconds! But it was much more comfortable wearing the scarf than wearing the wig.

Another of the more minor side effects of the chemo drugs has hit me. For the past week, I have had this really weird taste in my mouth. I noticed it right after the last chemo cycle, a week ago Monday. I thought that it might go away by the end of the week. But, here we are at Wednesday of the next week, and it's still here. It isn't anything really bad....certainly nothing to complain or make a fuss over. Everything just tastes weird; I can't describe it any other way. Funny thing is that it hasn't really affected my appetite too much. I still get hungry; things just don't taste right when I eat.

I got a card in the mail yesterday from a family I don't even know. They are friends of Michael's brother and sister-in-law. This was the second time they wrote to offer prayer and encouragement. It continues to amaze me how God has put people all across the country and around the world who are praying for me. It once again reminded upon me the importance of doing things like this for others. That card was a very bright spot at the end of a tiring day.

Today's "to do" list is a mile long with mundane things like laundry and meal planning to more pressing things like finishing up the income taxes. As I think about all there is to do and gear up to tackle the list, I am purposing to be thankful for the abilities to still get these things done. God continues to be gracious and has kept me strong through this first 8 weeks of treatments. I may not always have the energy levels as before, but He is keeping me able to do all He asks of me. What more can I ask for?

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."~Philippians 4:13

3rd treatment finished.....

2006-04-05T21:49:00.000-05:00

Monday was chemo day. Chemo day means my time spent at the doctor's office is much longer than my shorter, Herceptin only, days. First, they draw blood. Actually, first they take my co-pay, and then they draw blood. Then, I wait to be called back to the exam room. Once in the exam room, the nurse registers my weight (oh boy!), takes my blood pressure and temperature. Then I get to dress in a paper vest and wait patiently for the doctor to appear. Why is it that paper makes one sweat much more than fabric does?

Monday, I met the new nurse practitioner. She is so new, she isn't even listed on their website yet. But, she was very nice and gentle and thorough. The doctor did seem pleased with the shrinkage she noted in the lymph node under my arm. It has actually decreased in size by about two-thirds since I began treatment. They were making such a fuss over this, I neglected entirely to ask about the original tumor. Must have been the fact that by this time, there were 4 people, plus myself in this very tiny exam room. I was beginning to feel claustrophobic by the time the whole thing was over.

The next step is to wait in the "chemo" waiting area, a sort of holding tank for those who are waiting on bloodwork or to be called for their time in the chair. Mondays are usually busy times there, and this Monday was no different. When I was called in to sit down to get my drugs, all of the chairs were filled up! It's about a 2 1/2 hour session, from start to finish on these days. Pre-meds come first; those are anti-nausea drugs to help work with other anti-nausea drugs to prevent....you guessed it.....NAUSEA! So far, I must admit, they have worked wonderfully, and I haven't experienced any of the nasty stuff. Then I get 2 Tylenol and a shot of Benedryl to help counteract the potential flu-like side effects of the Herceptin. Other than the Benedryl making me feel "fuzzy" and sleepy, I haven't had any reactions to the Herceptin. After all of those things are out of the way, one of the very nice nurses begins to give me the rest of the daily menu. It is up to me whether I choose to make small talk with the nurses and other patients around me, or drift off for a Benedryl induced cat nap. I admit to succumbing now and again, although I do also try to make conversation with anyone else who is awake.

Then, all of a sudden...well, 2 1/2 hours later.....it is over. I am unhooked from the IVs, I get a nice bandaid over the spot where they stuck my port, and I am free to leave. This Monday, I was chauffeured home by a special lady from our church. She lives not too far from the doctor's office and offered to transport me if the need arose. I was happy to get a chance to ride home with her and share a time of reflection. You see, her family lost their youngest son to cancer last fall. I so enjoy hearing her stories of Cameron and what a trooper he was during his treatments. While their story is a sad one indeed, Cameron was such a model patient. Thank you for sharing your heart with me, Suzie.

This week has progessed a lot like the last cycle did. I had a good amount of energy yesterday and a bit less today. If this time continues like the last, my energy will dip more towards the weekend. However, there is a bridal shower this weekend at church, so I need to rest up before then. I continue to rejoice that the Lord has spared me from the nasty side effects so many people experience. I also know that if my time comes to go through a harder chemo cycle, God will give me the grace to get through it. What a blessing to have that reassurance.

So, that's where I stand now. In three weeks, I will be finished with my first half of chemo treatments. I know I will have a another heart scan then, so they can make sure things are still ok there. There will then be only 4 more chemo cycles to go! It really doesn't seem so far away when looked at like this. Time always seems to fly by so quickly anyway. We will be far into the heat of Houston's summer by then....the land of never-ending air conditioning, which is another thing for which we thank God!

"Sing, O heavens; and be joyful, O earth; and break forth into singing, O mountains: for the LORD hath comforted his people, and will have mercy upon his afflicted." ~Isaiah 49:13

It's only hair....

2006-03-30T13:07:00.000-06:00

This hair thing really needs to just get itself over and done with.

I noticed last week that my part was starting to look like a landing strip on top of my head. Last Friday, we went out with friends, and my hair just looked awful. I realized that it was because I had so little of it left. I made it through the weekend, but when Monday dawned, I took the scissors to it. I knew that I would lose more of it in the shower (thus it looking even worse!), so I solved the problem by cutting it r-e-a-l-l-y short. I think I surprised Michael; I think he thought I would shave it before just hacking at it. But I just couldn't shave it. Meaghan got up in time to watch me and help clip a bit on the very back of my head. I did discover something interesting, though. I found a LOT more dark brown hair on the back of my head. It wasn't as gray as I thought (from the way the front looked!). For some reason, I took some satisfaction in that. Of course, now, it was all in the waste basket instead of on my head. I also discovered that short hair (really short hair!) weighs nothing! And my head is much cooler!

So, I wore my wig to chemo Monday. One of the ladies getting treatment there told me it was "cute as a button" and made me look "years younger." I felt like I had a swim cap on my head; I think it is because my scalp is still so sensitive that anything I put on it hurts. I also took the wig off as soon as I got home. And I haven't had it on again except for one quick trip to Wal-Mart that evening. Of course, the girls have been under the weather all week, so I haven't gone out of the house, either. All the kids have had some funny comments about what my head/hair looks like. Meaghan wants ALL of the hair to fall out so I stop shedding on her when she sits on my lap or hugs me. As the hair continues to fall out with each shower, the landing strip gets wider. I told Kathryn today that I think my head reminds me of a baby bird's head - very few feathers and lots of skin. I've also been told that larger earrings are a must. I guess they help to balance out the baldness. To put things in perspective, though, hair loss is minimal in the grand scheme of things. I'd gladly be a bald grandma, if that's what it takes to beat this disease.

So goes the saga of my hair.........

The club

2006-03-23T20:37:00.000-06:00

I had it described to me as such.....when you have cancer, or a child with cancer, you immediately join a club you do not want to join. How true this statement is! One really does not understand the magnitude of the diagnosis until you are faced with it yourself. Even though my mother was a breast cancer patient for 8 years, I never really understood what she went through. I might have thought I knew something about it, but I was really clueless.

I saw another member of "the club" today. Our eye doctor is a dear Christian man whose youngest daughter was diagnosed with leukemia when she was just 13. I remember the day I was in his office, and he told me. I remember checking on her status each time I would take one of the children in for an exam. I asked about her today; he was thrilled to report that she has been in remission since October. Today, she is a senior in high school with future plans to become a pediatric oncology nurse. Praise God!

He had more to share with me, though. He told me that doctors have discovered a tumor in his wife's brain, right behind her optic nerve. They don't know yet whether or not it is cancer. Believe it or not, they have to wait and watch it for a while. He said that this is a situation for which they cannot do a biopsy; they just have to wait. It might be something life threatening, or it might be something much more manageable. I cannot imagine how hard this must be for them.

He was a kindred spirit to relay my own story to........I could see the sadness on his face as he truly understood the situation our family is facing. He knows the disruption. He knows the uncertainty of it all. Most importantly, however, he also knows that God is in control of my life just as He has been in control of his daughter's. As I was walking out of the exam room, we were agreeing how truly hopeless cancer must seem to those who don't have that reassurance. And we thanked God together that we both have hope in our Heavenly Father's love and care.

So, I have a new family of prayer warriors praying for me tonight. And I will be praying for this family again.....as well as the other families I know who are a part of "the club." It is amazing how far and wide the membership ranks reach. Sad but true.

"I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust."
~Psalm 91:2

Feeling human again

2006-03-21T12:02:00.000-06:00

Last week's chemo treatment didn't seem to cause me much distress until the latter part of the week. And then, I wasn't feeling really bad....just very tired and achy. I even stayed home from church on Sunday, just to get some extra rest. Well, a good night of sleep work wonders, and I awoke Monday morning feeling much more well rested and "normal."

Yesterday's Herceptin treatment came and went without much fanfare. Michael was my treatment "buddy" again, working out of the back of the van in the parking garage (the saying "I can work anywhere with a computer and internet access" being put into action here!) while I was in the doctor's office. After a good nap in the afternoon, I was feeling pretty well again. I commented to a friend this morning how it seems strange that the treatments are becoming almost routine. School has a routine. Home life has a routine. Now cancer treatments have a routine. 2 months ago, when life seemed turned upside down by this diagnosis, I don't think I could have imagined anything being routine again. I think that the key here is balance. It is good that we can have a routine....that we can rest in God's sovereignty and not worry over every little glitch in life. However, it is also important not to become complacent, taking God for granted. He still wants us to come to Him for our daily bread....for His perfect peace and rest.

Hair update: still hanging in there....barely.....as it continues to shed profusely, I wonder if a shearing party is in order. Somehow, I just can't bring myself to go to that extreme. Call me chicken. Call me vain. I know it is only hair; but, it is my hair!

Many thanks again for the continued prayer support that we have from friends and family around the country. Our church family has been taking such good care of us, sending meals home each week. Having something already prepared after treatments on Mondays has been such a blessing. I have said it before, but it bears repeating - the depth of care and concern shown to our family during this time has been so humbling. We are so very grateful and pray God's blessing over each of you, as you have blessed us.

Like A River Glorious (Frances R. Havergal)

Like a river glorious, is God’s perfect peace,
Over all victorious, in its bright increase;
Perfect, yet it floweth, fuller every day,
Perfect, yet it groweth, deeper all the way.

Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blest
Finding, as He promised, perfect peace and rest.

Hidden in the hollow of His blessed hand,
Never foe can follow, never traitor stand;
Not a surge of worry, not a shade of care,
Not a blast of hurry touch the spirit there.

Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blest
Finding, as He promised, perfect peace and rest.

Every joy or trial falleth from above,
Traced upon our dial by the Sun of Love;
We may trust Him fully all for us to do.
They who trust Him wholly find Him wholly true.

Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blest
Finding, as He promised, perfect peace and rest.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.....

2006-03-14T16:00:00.000-06:00

It has been a time of blessing here. Blessings GALORE, to use a popular word in our house. Thinking back over the past few days, I am again overwhelmed by a heavenly father who lavishes such precious gifts upon me. Here's a brief recap:

Friday, March 10 - My niece gave birth to a healthy baby girl - Doug and Shannon are the proud parents of Kaya Marie! This is the first great-grandchild for my dad, and the first grandchild for my older brother. We are all excited to add another generation to the family. And I am looking forward to shopping for a baby girl!

Saturday, March 11 - I celebrated another birthday, turning 49. I had already received a wonderful gift the day before, with the baby's birth, but the gifts kept coming Saturday. Some were by e-mail; some came from the post office. Some were very unexpected; some were expected, but still surprised me. We went out to eat for a family dinner celebration. It was a different birthday, this year. I know for certain how precious birthdays are now. I also know for certain that I won't ever complain about having another one, if the Lord is gracious to me. Each day is a precious gift from Him.

Sunday, March 12 - In accordance with James 5:14 which states, "Is there sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over you him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:", the elders of our church anointed me and prayed over me during the morning worship service. To say it was an emotional time would be an understatement. I praise God for each and every man who leads our church; their individual prayers were like balm to my soul. We belong to a precious body of believers who have lifted our family up so lovingly during this trial. They are a true blessing.

Monday, March 13 (yesterday!) - my second "big" chemo day....only 6 left to go! My appointment with the doctor was encouraging. She noted evidence that the chemo was working, and she said that my lab work had been good, too. We talked about getting some IV iron next time, if my iron counts don't move up better than they have been. I have been taking a good iron supplement since December, but the doctor says that absorption is more difficult when taking chemotherapy. Prayers for a higher iron count would be greatly appreciated! I still haven't been experiencing any major side effects as of yet, although I did need to go to bed at 8:30 last night, as I was so very tired! The doctor credits my slow hair loss to having thick hair. I don't know how much longer that thick hair will be around though, if this morning's combing is any indication. I did get a pretty red hat as a birthday gift from a friend; I am thinking that it will serve me quite well this spring, especially Easter!

There are so many other blessing of late that I could continue to list; there are blessings at work for Michael, the girls were blessed to spend part of Sunday making new friends with a new family at church, and the list goes on. God is pouring out His love on us like manna from heaven. How comforting it is to be able to praise Him in the midst of a trial, looking past the trial and seeing His hand of blessing in our lives.

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Matthew 10:30........

2006-03-09T08:47:00.000-06:00

Matthew chapter 10, verse 30 states, "But the very hairs of your head are all numbered."

As I see more strands in my hand each time I run the comb through my hair, I stand in awe of a God who knows each and every hair that is on our heads.....He has numbered each one.

And as I face the inevitable this week, I continue to thank Him for this cancer and subsequent hair loss. I can rest in His sovereignty and the knowledge that He has my life in His hands.

"Be strong and courageous, be not afraid nor dismayed for the king of Assyria, nor for all the multitude that is with him: for there be more with us than with him: With him is an arm of flesh; but with us is the LORD our God to help us, and to fight our battles."
~II Chronicles 32:7-8

Yes.....I still have my hair....in case you were wondering!

2006-03-07T22:27:00.000-06:00

That seems to be the most commonly asked question these days. I am finishing up day 16, heading into day 17 (of chemo treatment), and my hair is still here. The nurses told me to expect to have it start falling out 14 days after the first treatment. Honestly, I am seeing signs of its coming demise, but I am happy to have it around for as long as it stays.....gray hairs, too!

Yesterday's Herceptin treatment went without a hitch.....well, if I don't count the fact that they didn't have me scheduled for blood work, which delayed things starting by about 30 minutes. But once that got taken care of (and I was assured that there was a note made in my chart that I am supposed to have blood drawn each week), the drug treatment was over in no time. I met a lady from The Woodlands, sitting in the chair next to me. She was having her very first treatment, although she has already had her surgery. We chatted a bit about the differences in each other's cases, as well as how individual and specific the treatments are for breast cancer. She gave me some things to consider for when it is time for my surgery; I was able to answer some questions for her about what to expect from her time in the clinic. It seems weird to say I had a good time getting chemo.....but I did.

And then - the Herceptin bag was empty, and I was free to leave!

I've felt pretty good again today, and I just praise God for the lack of side effects I have experienced so far. I know that many of you have been praying along those lines; God has been faithful in answering those prayers. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Next Monday brings my second "big" day. I am eagerly anticipating it as it will mean one less cycle on the calendar, making only 6 more to go! I am also looking forward to seeing what other great things God will be doing and how He will be using me during this time.

"It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes. The law of thy mouth is better unto me than thousands of gold and silver" ~Psalm 119:71-72

Hindsight & Foresight

2006-03-05T21:14:00.000-06:00

I wrote most of this to a friend in an e-mail today, and thought I'd post some of it here...

Something that comes my mind every so often, is that we sometimes look at God's promises only in the future tense. When searching for God's comfort, we repeat to ourselves, "God will be faithful," "He will never leave or forsake me," "He will care for me," etc. All thinking positively towards the future. And there's nothing wrong with that at all. Yet, we sometimes forget the flip side of that equation, neglecting to look at God's promises in retrospect. There's great added comfort in remembering that "God has been faithful to me in the last year," that "God never left or forsook me in the last five years," and that "God has cared for me in the last 24 years of my life." The next question, "Will He stop doing all of this for me tomorrow?" I think not. Rather, I know not. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. His character never changes. And so, we can look back with joy and forward with hope, knowing as the great hymn says, "As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be."

The reminders are present that, in spite the "hoorah!" American attitude we often take, that we are not in control of our lives. God is. Yet, there is no shadow of turning with God; He is not slack concerning his promises. And so we purpose to "run with endurance the race that is set before us..." (Heb. 12:1) Still, we only run the race with endurance as we look "unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith..." (Heb. 12:2a) This is the same concept I mentioned above. The reason we can look forward with hope is because Christ authored our faith, and will be faithful to finish our faith. This is the sanctification process. We can look with foresight to God's coming faithfulness and with hindsight at God's past faithfulness - always with thanksgiving in our heart.

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.

Week 2 is history.......

2006-02-28T16:01:00.000-06:00

Well, treatment #2 is history, anyway....the week has just begun!

Yesterday's treatment was my first "mini" day. Instead of the entire litany of drugs from the week before, I was only scheduled to receive one drug, Herceptin. This drug is my weekly friend; I am scheduled to receive it for the entire duration of 2006. Obviously, getting just one drug instead of four should decrease the time spent at the doctor's office, right? Well......normally, but not yesterday. Due to some staff miscommunication and an omission on one particularly important calendar, my office visit took about an hour longer than it should have. But, it all worked out. My neighbor was gracious enough to take time out of her day (and willing to drag along her 3 year old!) to chauffeur me there and back. They roamed the mall while I received my treatment. It was a beautiful day, and I relished in the chance to soak in some of the sunshine as I waited outside for her to pick me up.

Other than the expected Benadryl "buzz", I felt pretty well the rest of the day. Tired but otherwise fine. I have, however, decreed that Mondays are to be considered "treatment days" and are not eligible for other calendar appointments or "to do" list items. That way, when I come home from the clinic, I won't feel guilty about taking a nap!

Today has been good, too. I've sat in on school with the girls, paid bills, and have run errands; I even managed to take care of early voting. Michael and I are supposed to be going to a Rockford College alumni gathering near the Galleria tonight. It was not originally on our calendar, but after hearing from the organizer last night, I told Michael that I thought we should go. I think he was secretly hoping that I might be feeling just a bit poorly from the chemo, and he could get out of it! After all, he does need to drive up to Dallas before dawn tomorrow.

As I read this over, I don't think that it sounds very newsworthy. But, it is an update; it does let everyone know how things are going. I won't bore you with the minute details of the few side effects I have started to experience. Right now, things are manageable and not at all worrisome. I would ask for continued prayer that the side effects would be minimal and that life won't be too disrupted by these cancer treatments. I am grateful to the energy that I do have. God has been faithful to us in so many ways so far.

"I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth." ~Psalm 34:1

No news is good news!

2006-02-23T15:05:00.000-06:00

Lack of Internet access at the house since Tuesday afternoon has kept me away from the blog. However, the local library is a great source for Internet access, if one is in need. So, here I sit. I have deleted numerous e-mail messages from my inbox, read those of interest, and I decided to post a bit of an update. It is just a bit of an update, since there is really nothing to report!

Thanks be to God, I have experienced very few effects from this first round of chemo! I have noticed a bit more fatigue (always a good excuse to take a quick nap!), and my sleep patterns have been disturbed a bit. The past 2 mornings I have awakened at 4 A.M., after going to bed around 11. So, my mornings have been starting much earlier, with breakfast coming way too early (usually by 6). I find I am ready for my nap as the girls are starting breakfast; I seem ready for lunch by 10:30, too! Even though I am not sure what is exactly at the root of this, I am suspecting that it is related to the anti-nausea meds I have been taking since Tuesday. Since I don't have any more of these meds to take until my next "big chemo day," I am hoping that things settle back into their normal pattern soon. Time shall tell.

Other than this small inconvenience, I have felt no ill effects from the massive amount of drugs that were pumped into my system on Monday. I am so grateful to the Lord for sustaining me in this way. I have been able to tackle a few more projects that have been hanging on my "to do" list, and the girls and I even got a special dinner & library "date night" in last night.

My heart overflows with gratitude to all of you dear ones who have called, e-mailed, sent cards, provided meals and gifts. It is humbling beyond measure to experience such an outpouring of love and care. Mere words of thanks seem so insignificant; may God bless each of you even more than you have blessed our family.

"O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever." ~Psalm 136:1

One cycle down, only 7 left to go!

2006-02-21T07:18:00.000-06:00

Yesterday dawned with great anticipation of finally getting my first chemo treatment. I was having mixed feelings....one part of me was relieved that things were going to be starting, but the other part of me was somewhat dreading the "unknowns" of the process. While showering, I was reminded of the lines from the hymn, Like a River Glorious, which had been recently brought to mind on another blog I visit. The line, "Every joy or trial falleth from above," brought a much needed sense of reassurance that carried me through the day. I also must add that I followed the nurse's instructions to take one particular drug in order to relax me, as she said that everyone is anxious on their first day. It certainly did its trick!

Michael and I set out for the appointment and arrived with no delays. We prayed together before leaving the car, walked into the doctor's office, and before I could finish up paying my co-pay, I was called back! After a short wait in the "chemo" waiting area, I was ushered back into the clinic and given a nice recliner to sit in. Since this treatment was going to be the longest of all of them (4 hours was the estimate I was given), I came armed with 1 book, 2 magazines, a blanket, Justin's DVD player, headphones, a movie I had not seen yet, 3 bottles of water, trail mix, and a crossword puzzle book. Can you believe it? I never used anything other than the blanket! The treatment did indeed last 4 hours, but that 4 hours was broken up by chatting with the nurse who administered the drugs, another lady in the chair next to me (it was her second treatment, so she was filling me in on her case), and Michael's occasional visits. Not to mention the amount of time I spent dozing; they gave me a dose of Benadryl which made me so loopy that I was having a hard time talking without slurring my words (trying saying the word procedure when it feels like your tongue is 3 times too big for your mouth!).

After getting all of my instructions, calendars, and charts for keeping track of side effects, etc., we left for home. I am pretty sure I slept most of the ride home, although I do have vague recollections of passing through an occasional toll booth. I was very appreciative that Michael had taken the time from his schedule to be my designated driver for the day; I would have needed to spend the night in the parking lot, if it wasn't for him! Upon our arrival at home, I went straight to bed and slept for another hour and a half. Thankfully, a church family had provided a wonderful meal that needed no attention from me to prepare. I just got up and ate! I really felt well after dinner, although I did still feel a bit sleepy. We spent a quiet evening, watching some Olympics and eating some ice cream (Phish Food, my favorite!). I slept soundly all night and awoke this morning feeling much less groggy than yesterday.

So, today begins a new journey of sorts....one filled with charting temperatures, side effects, and the like. I have already taken my anti-nausea medications for the morning, dutifully eating toast much earlier than I normally would, but since one med said "take with milk or food," toast seemed less daunting than swallowing a glass of milk at 6:30. Plans for today include school with the girls and continuing to knock off things from my never-ending "to do" list. However, if there is a need for a nap that arises, be sure I will fit that in, too!

Thus chronicles the events of my first "big" chemo day, the ones during which I get 4 different drugs. These cycles run 3 weeks apart for 8 weeks (thus my statement of 1 down, 7 to go). During that 24 week time period, however, I will get one of those drugs, Herceptin, weekly. So, I will be making more trips to the clinic than just 8. But, it's fine with me. We have been regularly blessed and encouraged by another lady who has been going through treatment for ovarian cancer in IL. She has encouraged me to look at each of those drugs as a friend and a tool from God to rid my body of this disease. That is our prayer as we look to the weeks ahead, that the Lord will use the doctors and the drugs to destroy the bad cells and make me well again.

Many thanks to all of you who have prayed and are still praying for me as well as Michael and the children. The outpouring of love has been a special blessing during a time which might otherwise seem overwhelming. Nothing is too big for God; knowing that He already knows the outcome of this battle is reassuring, especially in light of Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

Ouch!

2006-02-16T08:06:00.000-06:00

Remind me not to get a flu shot on the day of a surgical procedure ever again......biopsy pain on the left side and flu shot pain on the right side......it made for an interesting night of sleep!

Everything is still set for Monday at 10:45. I will be getting my prescriptions filled today, so I can be sure of having everything in hand Monday morning. I have other "piddly" things to do today, which is good. It helps to keep my mind off of thinking about next week. It is a strange feeling, to want something to happen, but to dread it at the same time.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 4: 6, 7

Might that be light at the end of the tunnel?

2006-02-15T06:46:00.000-06:00

My lack of updates since last Wednesday doesn't mean that nothing is happening. It really means that there isn't much new to report and writing about it seemed a bit boring. I did have to wait until last Friday afternoon before that pesky fever went away. The oncologist told us that sometimes just having blood in the tissue after surgery can cause a fever. Since no one else in the house got sick, I figure that it was somehow related to the port procedure. Feeling lousy was inconvenient, but it's over and done with.

Last Friday was my long awaited appointment with the oncologist. The day was already draining, what with still being feverish and all. It had been raining hard all day, too. The appointment was set for 1:30; we didn't see the doctor until almost 3. But, we did leave the office with a treatment plan and a schedule.....sort of. The problem was that I needed to have one more procedure done. for this doctor, and I had to wait until Monday to set that up with the nurse. In the meantime, the family took a quick trip up to Ryan's for the weekend. It seemed like a great time to leave town, get away and have some family fun.

Monday dawned bright and early, and I made my call to the nurse at 9 A.M. She called me back at 1:30! After answering all the questions I had, she told me that the next step was to get my consent forms signed. Since those had to be done in person, and the doctor was to be out of the office on Tuesday (thus meaning Wednesday was the earliest I could get the last procedure scheduled), I volunteered to make the trek back to the doctor's office. We got all of the "stuff" taken care of, got my procedure scheduled and set the chemo start date for Monday, the 20th at 10:45.

I actually have a date to start chemo! Who would think that something so trivial would be so exciting? I am sure as Monday gets closer, there will be less thrilling thoughts and more nervous ones in my head, but for right now, I am just happy to be able to have a date. It has been getting very stale to have to keep telling everyone "next week" for a start time. But, I was just passing along the information I was receiving. God has been working on everyone's patience throughout this process. And this will not be a short process, to be sure, so there will be plenty of time to learn patience and other virtues. As it stands now, I will be having weekly treatments for 24 weeks, with big chemo days happening every three weeks and lesser treatments the other weeks. After those 6 months are up, I am scheduled to have surgery, followed by 6-8 weeks of radiation. There will be additional chemo after radiation, but it will be just one drug administered every 3 weeks, for the remainer of a year. Phew! Does this sound like a lot to anyone else but me? I have decided that, just like everything else, the best way to tackle this schedule will be one week at a time (reminds me of that old song, "One day at a time, sweet Jesus...").

So, it seems as though there is light at the end of this seemingly endless tunnel on the road to starting treatment. The rest of this week will be spent taking care of more details around the house....Quicken, laundry, shopping for a cranial hair prosthesis (code name for wig), maybe some income tax prep....all sorts of fun. Things that are mine to do need to get done while I am feeling well. Who knows what next week will bring?

"I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth"~Psalm 121: 1, 2

Bone scan results......a bit late

2006-02-08T15:43:00.000-06:00

With all of the hubbub surrounding Monday's surgery, plus having out of town guests, I forgot to mention that we got the results of my bone scan. The scan showed "no evidence of metastatic disease", which in layman's terms means NEGATIVE!

Now, it did show some "abnormalities" in my feet, which the doctor says is probably arthritis. I'll take arthritic feet any day......plus it gives Michael another reason to make jokes about my feet.

"Praise ye the LORD. O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good; and his mercy endureth for ever." ~Psalm 106:1

Nothing is ever easy....

2006-02-08T13:07:00.000-06:00

After having the surgery for the port on Monday, I thought Tuesday would be a breeze. All I had left was the heart scan. This scan (affectionately known as "MUGA") is another one of those where they inject you with radioactivity, make you wait for a while and then put you on one of those "slabs" to take pictures of your insides (specifically here, the heart). So, I headed to the hospital, got my injection and waited my 20 minutes for them to call me back. While waiting, I began to feel very cold; I assumed that I was nervous about the test. I asked them for 2 blankets while I was on the table, and even then, I still felt chilled. It was all I could do to lie perfectly still for 45 minutes.

Shaking as I walked to the car, I considered driving straight to the doctor's office, but I drove home instead. I was sure I had a fever, but I wanted to take my temp to be sure. Sure enough, I was running a temperature of 102. Peachy! I don't think there were enough blankets in the house to get me warm. Michael even plugged in the heating pad and put it under my feet for me. Well, the surgery discharge papers state to call your doctor if you have a temperature of over 102, so Michael called. After verifying that I had been taking the prescribed antibiotic, they advised him to give me some Tylenol and watch to see what happens. And....if the fever was to go back up, over 102, he should take me to ER.

So began our night. Hot one minute, cold the next. Taking Tylenol every 6 hours and checking my temp every few hours. The fever never did get up over 102, but it was close a few times. I really did not want to go to ER. All of this time, I had been assuming that this was an infection from the surgery, but the incision site wasn't red. Sore, but not inflamed. When I was up at 5 this morning, I was nauseous, too, and began to wondering if this might be a flu bug instead. Guess we won't know that unless others get sick!

Here I sit now, in the early afternoon, functioning a bit, thanks to more Tylenol. It's not like I have unlimited time to spare, lying around in bed feeling sick. My hope is that this afflication (whatever it is) will be gone soon and life can continue. Chemo is to begin next week, and I really want to get started. We will meet with the oncologist on Friday and see what she has to say to us about that. In the meantime, I will go back to the couch, with my Sprite and saltines. And take my temperature in an hour or two.

Another surgery

2006-02-06T13:19:00.000-06:00

This morning, I was back in out-patient surgery at Tomball Hospital. Today's procedure was to insert a "port" in my chest....one of the last steps before I start chemotherapy. It was a quick and relatively painless procedure (the needle stick for the I.V. was the worst part, although now that the pain meds are wearing off, I can feel it more!). Tomorrow is my heart scan (yes, it should have been Friday but the hospital bungled a bit). Then, I meet on Friday with the oncologist who should have my treatment plan mapped out. I am hoping things really start next week.

For your information, the port is about the size of a quarter, only thicker, and will show only as a bump underneath the skin. There are several benefits to having a port:

No need to find a vein every time you receive chemo. A special needle fits right into the port, so all you feel is the stick—not the poking, prodding, and false tries in your arm. The nurse may numb the skin first with ice or a cream, to lessen any feeling at all.
A port may be especially valuable for women who might be experiencing some swelling of the arm on the side of their surgery.
The medication goes right into the main blood supply entering the heart, so it can be sent quickly and efficiently to all parts of the body.
Some types of chemotherapy can be very uncomfortable if injected into a vein just under your skin. The port avoids this potential discomfort.
Getting blood for blood tests can usually be done through the port, decreasing the number of times you need to have a vein "stuck."

Yesterday marked the one month anniversary of my "routine" mammogram. By the end of the following week, the doctors were telling me I probably had breast cancer. In some ways, this month has gone by so very quickly, running from one test or doctor to the next. But in other ways, time has seemed to drag on while waiting to actually start treatment. Yesterday, I was thinking about really beginning treatment and wondering what it would be like. I realized that the disease was seeming more real again; this waiting/testing period had seemed to dull the urgency of my situation. Last night, I admit that I needed a pep talk from Michael as I poured out my concerns to him. As he calmly reminded me of the truths of Scripture, I was able to go to sleep and rest peacefully, waking refreshed and remembering a stanza of a hymn I read last week:

"Whate’er my God ordains is right. Though now this cup, in drinking, may bitter seem to my faint heart; I take it all unshrinking. My God is true, each morn anew, sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart, and pain and sorrow shall depart." ~Samuel Rodigast (1649-1708)

Count your many blessings......see what God has done!

2006-02-02T18:17:00.000-06:00

Today has been a sadder day, by all accounts. I've been reading more cancer sites and learning about what's down the road with chemo. Yesterday, I made my first visits to online wig stores. While I was waiting to have blood drawn at the hospital, I saw an older couple walk through the lobby. The husband was sweetly walking with his arm at his wife's elbow, guiding her along. The wife had on a turban, and it was quite evident that her hair was gone. "That'll be me in a few weeks, " I thought. Adding to this, Kathryn has been playing Bing Crosby singing Irish ballads all day; while I love this Bing CD, the songs make me miss my dad (the way he used to be, whistling "When Irish Eyes Are Smiling").

So, I decided that wallowing in self pity is NOT what God wants from me. But, what does He want?

Psalm 92:1 - "It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord, and to sing praises unto Thy name, O Most High"
Psalm 136:1 - "O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever."
1 Thessalonians 5:18 - "In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."
Psalm 33:20-22 - "Our soul waiteth for the LORD: he is our help and our shield. For our heart shall rejoice in him, because we have trusted in his holy name. Let thy mercy, O LORD, be upon us, according as we hope in thee."
Psalm 118:24 - "This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it."
Philippians 4:4 - "Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice."

Obviously, there is a pattern here. I decided to sit down, think about another hymn, "Count Your Blessings," and really take a look at what has been going on these past few weeks. What is amazing is that God has been so loving, merciful and great.....I am rich beyond means.

Michael's job has provided us with income for many, many months.....income that has met our needs time and time again, even though we sometimes wonder how He will provide. Now, the barns seem to be bursting at the seams as far as work goes....what a blessing!
Last January 1 (2005), after a couple of years of being paid as an independent contractor, the company put Michael on salary, providing health insurance coverage we had no way of knowing, at that time, that we would so greatly benefit from....what a blessing!
Last school year, we decided to make a rather significant change in our home schooling curriculum. We had been using a unit study based plan which required a lot of planning and interaction from me. The change freed up my time and gave the girls an opportunity to become more responsible in motivating themselves......now we can see God's hand in providing this blessing, too!
We are attending a church that not only has a very loving and caring congregation (as evidenced by the gifts of love I have been receiving) but God placed there a woman who is a 10 year survivor of the exact type of cancer I have. She has been a great source of information and encouragement for me - a true blessing!
13 years ago, God moved us to the Houston area. We are living by one of the top cancer centers in the country (M.D. Anderson); my oncologist practiced there for 15 years and still confers with her colleagues there. I told Michael I wouldn't ever complain about living in Houston again; while I still miss Chicago, I now consider it a blessing to be here!
While I have always considered Michael and the children blessings, I have such a greater appreciation of the time I have with them.....because it is apparent that nothing is guaranteed
Most importantly, I know that I have the blessing of eternal life, made possible by the One who bore all of my grief and sorrows long before I was ever on this earth. What more could I ask for?

"Count your many blessings, name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done." ~Amen!

Be Still, My Soul.......

2006-02-01T20:27:00.000-06:00

The first Sunday after the Friday appointment with the GYN, when she told me I probably had cancer and should see a surgeon promptly, Michael and I barely made it through a very difficult church service. Pastor was preaching out of Lamentations, and if that wasn't hard enough, the final hymn was Be Still, My Soul. As I read the words and choked back the tears, I knew that I would be referring back to those words many times in the days and weeks to come. More than once since then, I have been reminded to "leave to thy God to order and provide." Again today, I needed to look to Him as I felt the frustration of not being able to schedule an appointment with my oncologist for another week. I just want to start this chemo; I am so tired of waiting. Michael tried to cheer me up, telling me that this means I will have another week of feeling good before the drugs start.

Thank you, God, for undertaking to guide my future, as You have guided my past over all these years.

Be Still, My Soul

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, be leaving, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

Testing means waiting....and waiting....and waiting....

2006-01-31T21:56:00.000-06:00

Today I had my bone scan at the hospital. This is done to see if the cancer cells have spread to your bones. The process involves injecting radioactive "stuff" into one's vein, letting it course through the bloodstream and then taking "pictures." So, I headed for the hospital a bit before 9 this morning to get my injection at 9. I was out by 9:12....it was wonderfully quick. I ran some local errands, went home to check on schoolwork and get lunch, and headed back to the hospital at noon for the whole body scan.

When I arrived, I was told I would need to wait about 15 minutes as they were finishing up another test. At about 12:20, I was called in and positioned on another long "slab" built not only to scan bodies but to also test people's ability to not panic if they don't like enclosed places. I kid you not - that bone scan thingy was no more than 3 inches from my nose! It was a relatively easy test, if you don't mind lying still for long periods of time. I wish they played some music during the test, though. It would help pass the time, I think. Plus, it would help drown out the voices of the techs who are discussing your case within earshot. Somehow that unnerved me, and when the test was completed, all I wanted to do was rush home where I knew it was safe. They tell me the results will be back either late tomorrow or Thursday. God is sovereign over this, too, so I will keep reminding myself of that and try to sleep well tonight.

I also remembered that I had not scheduled a follow up appointment with the surgeon after last week's biopsy, in spite of the reminder on the post-op orders sitting on my desk. I called the doctor's office in the late morning and had an appointment for 3:15 today. I still am amazed at how pleasant their staff is to work with; they are so helpful. Michael went with me, armed with a list of questions for the doctor. After I had my one lone stitch removed, the doctor sat with us and answered as many questions as we threw at him. We found out the following things:

The pathology on the skin biopsy came back negative, indicating that the cancer did not involve the skin. However, the oncologist still says (and told the surgeon) that the skin still looks like a classic case of inflammatory breast cancer (meaning it does involve the skin) and she is proceeding with that understanding. The way the surgeon explains it is that it is possible to get a false negative if the area of skin he biopsied is clear but a surrounding area is not. It makes sense to us, plus the treatment course would be exactly the same right now anyway.
The results from the receptor test also came back, showing that hormones are not triggering this cancer. Instead, I am Her2/neu positive.....in layman terms, that means that mine is the more aggressive type of cancer and will be treated with a once a week routine, instead of a once every 21 days routine. While that doesn't thrill me, it doesn't really surprise me. I told Michael that I fully expect God to send "big" trials our way. I figure that way, He'll get all that much more glory at the end!
I will have another out-patient surgery next Monday morning, in order to have the port put in for the chemo injections. The surgeon was really waiting to see what we decided about MD Anderson (they don't want ports). Since we decided against MD Anderson, we are go for the port. That is the last thing on the "to do" list, after the heart scan on Friday. Since my brother and sister-in-law will be in town this weekend through Tuesday, I asked the surgeon to schedule it as early as possible on Monday; he says I can go first. Told you they were accommodating!

So the rest of the week will be filled with "life" as we celebrate Meaghan's birthday tomorrow, jury duty on Thursday, a heart scan on Friday and getting ready for company this weekend. And oh yes, the Super Bowl is Sunday! I am looking forward to next week as it means the end of waiting to start treatment. Waiting gets old very quickly. As much as I don't look forward to chemo treatments and the accompanying disruptions in life, I would much rather do something than just wait.

Teaching time

2006-01-31T10:01:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, while going through a mail order clothing catalog, Kathryn came across underclothing and prosthetics for those who have undergone mastectomies. Since she was curious about the subject, I took that as a prompting that this would be a good time to explain another aspect of this cancer road about which the girls had not yet heard. Surprisingly, they were not phased in the least, although Meaghan did screw up her nose once or twice during the conversation. Kathryn, always the more serious one of the two, questioned me about whether or not my mother (her grandma) had had a mastectomy during her bout with cancer 30 years ago. The answer was yes.

Never being one to relinquish teaching time, I then decided to broach another topic with the girls. While we had discussed with them that my treatment would be difficult and not without adjustments, we hadn't yet spoken about specifics. I decided it was time to talk about hair loss. Neither of them realized that I will most likely lose my hair during the chemo treatments. Meaghan promised me she would buy me a wig for my upcoming birthday in March and asked what color I would like. We then laughed over different color options and styles. However, the biggest laughs came when Kathryn (our ever serious one?) informed me that "cheap wigs" could be found in the Disney catalog, and I could have my choice of Snow White, Ariel, Cinderella and more!

I am so thankful for the ability to laugh with my girls; it does my heart good to see that they aren't afraid to keep the lines of communication open. I know that this trial won't be easy for them, and I would do anything to spare them the growing pains they are about to endure. But God has a bigger and better plan for them than I can ever imagine. I need to rest in the knowledge that He is sovereign over their lives, just as He is over mine. So, I will continue to look for teaching time, to do what I can to make this easier for them. And....since I am learning each step of the way, too....it should make for interesting lessons!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Where to start?

2006-01-29T17:29:00.000-06:00

I decided that creating this blog, apart from our family's blog, would enable friends and family to get updates on my health issues, as well as to leave comments (if so desired). Now that Ryan so willingly set it up for me, I am supposed to begin posting. But...as the title states........where do I start?

It hasn't even been 3 weeks since I first had an inkling of what was going on, yet it seems as though I have had this breast cancer diagnosis for a l-o-n-g time. Since January 5, when they did my first "routine" mammogram, I have had an ultrasound, chest x-ray, PET scan, CT scan, 2 biopsies, 1 pre-op appointment and 6 doctors' appointments. I am so very grateful that most of these were scheduled for me; Jennifer at Dr. Harkins' office has been absolutely wonderful. I have 2 more tests scheduled for this coming week - a bone scan on Tuesday and a heart scan on Friday. The bone scan will tell us whether or not the cancer has spread to the bones; the heart scan will tell us if my heart can withstand the chemo treatments. Meaghan asked last night, "And what if it can't?" Hmmmmm....good question.........

We picked my oncologist this week. Her name is Dr. Frankie Holmes; she was on staff at MD Anderson for many years but is now in private practice. Her specialty is breast cancer, and she has come highly recommended by both my gynecologist and a friend from church who saw her during her bout with breast cancer 10 years ago. Even though her office is a 40 minute drive from here, versus 5 minutes to Tomball Hospital, Michael and I both feel extremely at ease with her manner and (most importantly!) her expertise. I will still continue to see my local surgeon and will be able to do the radiation portion of my treatment right here in Tomball at the new Cancer Center.

So, we still have a little bit more time to wait. We are still waiting on the results from Tuesday biopsy which will give us the receptor status that we need so the doctors can accurately choose the correct chemo drugs. I am hoping those results will be in by mid-week, but since there is only one lab (in California) which does the work, we are on their time schedule. Once those results are in, along with the results from the bone and heart scans, the doctor wants to start treatment....maybe as early as the week of February 6. Oh yes, and before they can start, I need to have a "port" put in the right side of my chest so they can have a place to inject the drugs. I feel another call to Jennifer coming on!

I have been flooded with e-mails, calls, visits, cards and meals already; it is all quite overwhelming. Everyone has been so very kind and caring. This is all so new to us yet, but the support we have had from friends and family has helped so much. We brought 2 meals home from church just this afternoon; they knew it would be a busy week ahead and wanted to help. God has been holding our hands step by step through these past few weeks; please know that your prayers are appreciated more than mere words can express.

As we hear more during the week, I will try to post updates. Until then, I will leave you with the passage of Scripture that I have been clinging to lately:

"It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him." Lamentations 3:22-25