Being thankful even when we don't want to......
I didn't get my chemo today. I was
supposed to receive it. I went to my apponitment with the expectation of being there for a long time, with an IV plugged into me. But things don't always go the way we plan them.
God sometimes has other plans, although we don't always know the reasons, and that doesn't always set well.
While I was having my exam, the nurse kept asking me about the side effects I had charted over the past 3 weeks. We discussed everything from my GI issues to sleep disturbances. Then she asked me about my hands and feet. One of the common side effects of one of the drugs I am taking is redness on the soles of the feets and the palms and fingertips of the hands. Like a good girl, I stuck out my hands, thinking nothing is abnormal, and she said, "Oooh, your hands are red. Let me see your feet." I show her my feet, forgetting about the remnants of the old blisters I got while traipsing all over the lakefront during my recent Chicago trip, and she says, "Oh, look at how red and cracked your feet are!" Seriously, I didn't think my hands and feet looked any different than when I was in the office 3 weeks ago (with fresh blisters!). She pointed out the tips of my fingers, to try to get me to see what she meant, but I still didn't believe her. Then the PA came in and was greeted with, "You need to look at the redness in her hands and feet." Great.......
So, the PA continued to expound on how red my hands and feets were. In my mind, I am saying. "Pink, yes. But, red, NO!" And when I last checked, pink was an acceptable color. The bottom line is that after all was said and done (and the rest of the exam was completed), the PA wanted to delay chemo one week to let the redness clear up. At first I thought I would just not get the one particular offending drug, but no, they wouldn't let me have anything.
Man, I was not happy. We had just been talking about setting up my surgery and what week it would be. Now, the surgery will need to be set for a week later. It'll be mid August now. Sigh.
Driving home, I had to work very hard to remind myself that God has a purpose for this delay, too. I reminded myself that this was my first and only glitch so far; I am sure there are others who have had many more delays and for more derious reasons. I reminded myself that I need to be thankful for health care providers who watch for these things rather than let them slide. As I have already stated, it wasn't something I was concerned about, but I learned I should be more diligent in watching out for less obvious things. And, I purposed that I will try to make the most of this "free" week, catching up on things around the house and spending time with the girls.
So, there is no chemo report to report about tonight. God gave me a week off for
His reasons. And I thank Him for it.
"Whate’er my God ordains is right. Though now this cup, in drinking, may bitter seem to my faint heart; I take it all unshrinking. My God is true, each morn anew, sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart, and pain and sorrow shall depart." ~Samuel Rodigast (1649-1708)
Traveling on Tuesday.........
Today was much drier than yesterday even though we still got overnight rain,
and it was raining as I drove to the doctor's office. But the roads were clear, so I was able to report for my appointment with no trouble. Labwork was no trouble, either. I did see a few of my Monday friends today since they, too, had rescheduled their appointments from yesterday. The clinic was full.
I found out that one of my favorite nurses transferred to another office. WAH! I hate it when they just up and leave and don't let you know. Granted, it's not like they
must tell you these things. But last week, she didn't say "boo" about it. Today I hear "Nurse M will be at X office permanently from now on." I feel cheated; I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get a chance to thank her for the care she's given me over the months I've been going there. There is another nurse now to take her place. But she doesn't
know me yet. Changes.....I never have liked them...
Only 2 more cycles to go!
This week I am supposed to go for an appointment to talk about having genetic testing done. This test would determine whether or not I carry a mutant gene which makes me predisposed to breast cancer. My family history indicates that it is probably true. While having that information really doesn't matter as far as my diagnosis, it would give us information that my surgeon would use in determining exactly what surgical procedure to do in August. As it looks right now, our insurance doesn't cover either the consultation on Thursday or the actual test itself. Please pray for wisdom as we decide whether or not to go ahead with the testing as most likely the test will be quite costly (what isn't these days?). God can definitely provide the funds, if necessary.
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."~Proverbs 3:5-6
Rained out........
Overnight, we experienced what in Houston is called a "rain event." This is what the local weather people call what happens when a lot of rain falls on the city in a short time period. The result usually is major street flooding. Last night and this morning were no different. While we didn't get a torrent of rain northwest of the city, there were parts of the southern side which I hear got around 12 inches. This is what the morning radar looked like, after the brunt of the storm had passed through:
Anyway, I started out for the doctor's office in good faith this morning (trying to leave early, but not quite making it), but the roads were so bad between the parking lot on the freeway and the flooded local roads that I packed it in and headed home. I figured that since the office is in an area notorious for flooding, my chances of avoiding problems diminished greatly as I headed south. It was taking me forever to navigate just in the areas which
didn't get a lot of rain.
Instead, I headed to Wal-Mart to do some much needed shopping and avoided a lot of crowds since it was early in the morning and raining, to boot! While in Wal-Mart, I called the doctor's office and rescheduled my appointment for tomorrow morning. By then, the waters should have subsided!
Cancer humor....first grade style....
Like I said, yesterday's office visit was uneventful but very busy. There were a number of new people and also some "new to me" people. One older woman slowly made her way into through the office door and signed in even more slowly. Then she walked over to where three of us were sitting, waiting to be called back. She haltingly began her message:
Old lady: "Do you know what be-nign means?"
Younger lady sitting to my right: "Benign?"
Old lady: "Be-nign."
Younger lady: "It means not malignant."
Old lady: "No, it's what comes after you be-eight.....you be-nine!!"
We all chuckled as this little old lady made her way slowly to a seat across the room. She laughed all the way as she sat down. I hope we made her day. She told us then that these are the kinds of jokes told by retired first grade teachers. I bet so.
This was my very first cancer riddle. I wonder how many more of them are out there.
Maalox to the rescue!
Boy, the heartburn has been bad these past few days. Even when I don't eat anything, it's there. And I am really noticing changes in taste recently. Water even tastes weird, which makes drinking a lot of it post-chemo a hard thing to do. Salt is about the only thing that tastes good to me right now....how sad is that?
Yesterday's chemo session was fairly uneventful. It was a very busy Monday, even on the tollway. I walked into the office one minute past my appointment time, which is unusual for me (especially when I am driving by myself!). It took a bit to be called back for my blood draw, but I got in a chair not too long after that. All the chairs were filled quickly, and most everyone was there for a longer time period. I leafed through one magazine, napped a bit, and spent the rest of the time just listening to the stories that were being told around me. There is one older lady who is a native Houstonian; she loves to tell stories about when there was no I-45, etc. Her latest recommendation is that we "youngsters" (ha!) all need to be enlightened in the "olden days", so she told us we have to go to the Heights to the Yale Street Pharmacy and have lunch at the Grill there. It's news to me, but then again, I'm not even a native Texan, let alone a native Houstonian. I couldn't even begin to figure out how to get there without Mapquest, but I may just take her up on it one of these days. Sounds like fun.
Something else that struck me yesterday was the looks on the faces of the people who were coming in for the first time. I wonder if Michael and I looked as shell shocked on my first chemo day. I bet we did. How long ago that day seems, even though it was only about 4 months ago. The new people are always taken to a separate room for their first time, so it's pretty easy to tell who is new. Yesterday there were a number of newbies, and for some reason their facial expressions caught my eye. They all had very stressed and worried faces, very much in tune with the next path they were undertaking. It gave me a chance to pray for them, and next time, I can look for them in the big room to hopefully spread some encouragement.
So, today I am fighting reflux and fatique. Last night was a rather sleepless one. And no matter how hard I try, I can't motivate myself to do much that is productive while I am up in the wee hours of the morning. I did check some of the girls' schoolwork; I also looked through a cookbook for some easy dinner ideas. But the clock said 4 AM, and my brain said "I wanna go to sleep." Unfortunately my body wasn't cooperating!
We have a wonderful dinner waiting for us tonight, thanks to a sweet lady from our church. Many thanks again to all of you who still shower us with prayers, food and encouragement. You are such faithful friends, and we love you all.
Yesterday, while I was in my recliner, resting with my eyes closed, listening to the voices around me, I heard one lady conversing with an older man. This lady has been coming much longer than I, and I see her nearly every Monday, but I don't really "know" her. But I learned there is another sister in the Lord there on Mondays, as I listened to her quote Scripture to this man -
"But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed."- Isaiah 53:5
Checking in with an overdue update......
Please excuse the delay in updating. There are a myriad of reasons, but to go into them would mean writing a fair amount of drivel. I try to avoid drivel....hence the lapse in blog posts!
I was able to start the month of June off on a better note than I ended May, after an adjustment to medication that enabled me to distance myself from the bathroom. Last week was a breath of fresh air; I felt quite blessed to feel
normal again. The week also brought with it a reason for a quick trip up to Illinois. I could feel God's hand in the timing of it all, as I never would have been able to make the trip just one week earlier. Kathryn and I were able to travel quite well. We saw family, friends, and had an exhausting day tromping through downtown Chicago. However, if you are interested in more details of that trip, you have to read the
family blog.
This week, I was slated to start my second of four cycles in this second half of my treatment schedule. However, Friday, while in IL, I received a call from the nurse who told me not to expect chemo on Monday (my normal chemo day), as there was a supply problem and she probably would not have one of the drugs I needed. She still wanted me to come for my scheduled doctor exam, though. So, Monday, Michael and I drove in, and I had my exam (things look good and my MUGA results were good, too). After my exam, the nurse came in to tell me that they had FedExed the drugs in, so I could have chemo that day! Wow, what a surprise - I wasn't sure whether to be happy or sad. I hadn't planned on staying for another 2 hours, so I had no snacks, water, reading material, etc. On the other hand, having the drugs then would eliminate the need to come in the next day and cause less disruption to the schedule. So, I decided that this was a
good thing and happily went to await having my blood drawn. Michael even went to Subway to get me a sandwich.
After having my blood drawn and while awaiting the results, I began to hear the nurses talking about my chart....hmmmm......
not a good thing, I thought. I really couldn't figure out the problem, but I didn't need to wait long because the nurse came out to talk to me. The office has a policy that in order to dispense chemo, there must be one doctor on site. That day, there was only one doctor in the office, and he had received an emergency call that was going to take him away for the rest tof the day. They could finish up with the patients who were already in the chairs, but since I had not started my treatment yet, they need to have me come back the
next day (now I was back on Tuesday, like I had originally anticipated
)! Talk about confusing!!! So, I walked out of the office, only to meet Michael coming out of the parking garage with my sandwich in hand. We headed home, making a few errand stops on the way.
Tuesday dawned, and we headed back down to the doctor's office. This time, I didn't need bloodwork done, as it had been drawn the day before. I wouldn't be seeing the doctor, either. I was only there for chemo, so things progressed fairly quickly. I even slept soundly in the chair for about an hour. After my treatment was over, a friend picked me up to bring me home. We stopped at Panera Bread for lunch, which was fun, since we hadn't had lunch together in ages.
So, this week was a bit out of the ordinary in the sequence of things, but the important thing is that I did get to have my regular chemo treatment. An additional blessing is that the nurse was able to arrange the schedule so that I can go back to Mondays. I had been concerned that this would throw off my Mondays, but it won't! The only glitch was that I had to miss the Cubs game last night as I was too tired after treatment (even counting the nap in the chair
and the hour nap I took at home) to make it through a 6 hour baseball adventure with the family. Anyone who knows me well knows that I had to be feeling p-r-e-t-t-y badly to give up a trip to see the Cubs. Twas true....sad, but true.
It will be interesting to see how the adjustment in drug dosage affects me. I am certainly hoping for better results than last time and would covet your prayers that I tolerate this reduced dosage more easily. I need to again say how much I appreciate the prayers that you send my way. I had 3 cards waiting for me when I returned from Chicago, each telling me how the sender was praying for me and our family. It is so encouraging to know that there are prayer partners out there, petitioning for me before the Father's throne. Thank you very much.
"Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah." ~Psalm 61: 1-4
