Week 2 is history.......
Well, treatment #2 is history, anyway....the week has just begun!
Yesterday's treatment was my first "mini" day. Instead of the entire litany of drugs from the week before, I was only scheduled to receive one drug, Herceptin. This drug is my weekly friend; I am scheduled to receive it for the entire duration of 2006. Obviously, getting just one drug instead of four should decrease the time spent at the doctor's office, right? Well......normally, but not yesterday. Due to some staff miscommunication and an omission on one particularly important calendar, my office visit took about an hour longer than it should have. But, it all worked out. My neighbor was gracious enough to take time out of her day (and willing to drag along her 3 year old!) to chauffeur me there and back. They roamed the mall while I received my treatment. It was a beautiful day, and I relished in the chance to soak in some of the sunshine as I waited outside for her to pick me up.
Other than the expected Benadryl "buzz", I felt pretty well the rest of the day. Tired but otherwise fine. I have, however, decreed that Mondays are to be considered "treatment days" and are not eligible for other calendar appointments or "to do" list items. That way, when I come home from the clinic, I won't feel guilty about taking a nap!
Today has been good, too. I've sat in on school with the girls, paid bills, and have run errands; I even managed to take care of early voting. Michael and I are supposed to be going to a
Rockford College alumni gathering near the Galleria tonight. It was not originally on our calendar, but after hearing from the organizer last night, I told Michael that I thought we should go. I think he was secretly hoping that I might be feeling just a
bit poorly from the chemo, and he could get out of it! After all, he does need to drive up to Dallas before dawn tomorrow.
As I read this over, I don't think that it sounds very newsworthy. But, it is an update; it does let everyone know how things are going. I won't bore you with the minute details of the few side effects I have started to experience. Right now, things are manageable and not at all worrisome. I would ask for continued prayer that the side effects would be minimal and that life won't be too disrupted by these cancer treatments. I am grateful to the energy that I do have. God has been faithful to us in so many ways so far.
"I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth." ~Psalm 34:1
No news is good news!
Lack of Internet access at the house since Tuesday afternoon has kept me away from the blog. However, the local library is a great source for Internet access, if one is in need. So, here I sit. I have deleted numerous e-mail messages from my inbox, read those of interest, and I decided to post a bit of an update. It is just a
bit of an update, since there is really nothing to report!
Thanks be to God, I have experienced very few effects from this first round of chemo! I have noticed a bit more fatigue (always a good excuse to take a quick nap!), and my sleep patterns have been disturbed a bit. The past 2 mornings I have awakened at 4 A.M., after going to bed around 11. So, my mornings have been starting much earlier, with breakfast coming
way too early (usually by 6). I find I am ready for my nap as the girls are starting breakfast; I seem ready for lunch by 10:30, too! Even though I am not sure what is exactly at the root of this, I am suspecting that it is related to the anti-nausea meds I have been taking since Tuesday. Since I don't have any more of these meds to take until my next "big chemo day," I am hoping that things settle back into their normal pattern soon. Time shall tell.
Other than this small inconvenience, I have felt no ill effects from the massive amount of drugs that were pumped into my system on Monday. I am so grateful to the Lord for sustaining me in this way. I have been able to tackle a few more projects that have been hanging on my "to do" list, and the girls and I even got a special dinner & library "date night" in last night.
My heart overflows with gratitude to all of you dear ones who have called, e-mailed, sent cards, provided meals and gifts. It is humbling beyond measure to experience such an outpouring of love and care. Mere words of thanks seem so insignificant; may God bless each of you even more than you have blessed our family.
"O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever." ~Psalm 136:1
One cycle down, only 7 left to go!
Yesterday dawned with great anticipation of finally getting my first chemo treatment. I was having mixed feelings....one part of me was relieved that things were going to be starting, but the other part of me was somewhat dreading the "unknowns" of the process. While showering, I was reminded of the lines from the hymn,
Like a River Glorious, which had been recently brought to mind on another blog I visit. The line, "Every joy or trial falleth from above," brought a much needed sense of reassurance that carried me through the day. I also must add that I followed the nurse's instructions to take one particular drug in order to relax me, as she said that everyone is anxious on their first day. It certainly did its trick!
Michael and I set out for the appointment and arrived with no delays. We prayed together before leaving the car, walked into the doctor's office, and before I could finish up paying my co-pay, I was called back! After a short wait in the "chemo" waiting area, I was ushered back into the clinic and given a nice recliner to sit in. Since this treatment was going to be the longest of all of them (4 hours was the estimate I was given), I came armed with 1 book, 2 magazines, a blanket, Justin's DVD player, headphones, a movie I had
not seen yet, 3 bottles of water, trail mix, and a crossword puzzle book. Can you believe it? I never used anything other than the blanket! The treatment did indeed last 4 hours, but that 4 hours was broken up by chatting with the nurse who administered the drugs, another lady in the chair next to me (it was her second treatment, so she was filling me in on her case), and Michael's occasional visits. Not to mention the amount of time I spent dozing; they gave me a dose of Benadryl which made me so loopy that I was having a hard time talking without slurring my words (trying saying the word
procedure when it feels like your tongue is 3 times too big for your mouth!).
After getting all of my instructions, calendars, and charts for keeping track of side effects, etc., we left for home. I am pretty sure I slept most of the ride home, although I do have vague recollections of passing through an occasional toll booth. I was very appreciative that Michael had taken the time from his schedule to be my designated driver for the day; I would have needed to spend the night in the parking lot, if it wasn't for him! Upon our arrival at home, I went straight to bed and slept for another hour and a half. Thankfully, a church family had provided a wonderful meal that needed no attention from me to prepare. I just got up and ate! I really felt well after dinner, although I did still feel a bit sleepy. We spent a quiet evening, watching some Olympics and eating some ice cream (Phish Food, my favorite!). I slept soundly all night and awoke this morning feeling much less groggy than yesterday.
So, today begins a new journey of sorts....one filled with charting temperatures, side effects, and the like. I have already taken my anti-nausea medications for the morning, dutifully eating toast much earlier than I normally would, but since one med said "take with milk or food," toast seemed less daunting than swallowing a glass of milk at 6:30. Plans for today include school with the girls and continuing to knock off things from my never-ending "to do" list. However, if there is a need for a nap that arises, be sure I will fit that in, too!
Thus chronicles the events of my first "big" chemo day, the ones during which I get 4 different drugs. These cycles run 3 weeks apart for 8 weeks (thus my statement of 1 down, 7 to go). During that 24 week time period, however, I will get one of those drugs, Herceptin, weekly. So, I will be making more trips to the clinic than just 8. But, it's fine with me. We have been regularly blessed and encouraged by another lady who has been going through treatment for ovarian cancer in IL. She has encouraged me to look at each of those drugs as a friend and a tool from God to rid my body of this disease. That is our prayer as we look to the weeks ahead, that the Lord will use the doctors and the drugs to destroy the bad cells and make me well again.
Many thanks to all of you who have prayed and are still praying for me as well as Michael and the children. The outpouring of love has been a special blessing during a time which might otherwise seem overwhelming. Nothing is too big for God; knowing that He already knows the outcome of this battle is reassuring, especially in light of Romans 8:28,
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."
Ouch!
Remind me
not to get a flu shot on the day of a surgical procedure ever again......biopsy pain on the left side and flu shot pain on the right side......it made for an interesting night of sleep!
Everything is still set for Monday at 10:45. I will be getting my prescriptions filled today, so I can be sure of having everything in hand Monday morning. I have other "piddly" things to do today, which is good. It helps to keep my mind off of thinking about next week. It is a strange feeling, to want something to happen, but to dread it at the same time.
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 4: 6, 7
Might that be light at the end of the tunnel?
My lack of updates since last Wednesday doesn't mean that
nothing is happening. It really means that there isn't much
new to report and writing about it seemed a bit boring. I did have to wait until last Friday afternoon before that pesky fever went away. The oncologist told us that sometimes just having blood in the tissue after surgery can cause a fever. Since no one else in the house got sick, I figure that it was somehow related to the port procedure. Feeling lousy was inconvenient, but it's over and done with.
Last Friday was my long awaited appointment with the oncologist. The day was already draining, what with still being feverish and all. It had been raining hard all day, too. The appointment was set for 1:30; we didn't see the doctor until almost 3. But, we
did leave the office with a treatment plan and a schedule.....sort of. The problem was that I needed to have one more procedure done. for this doctor, and I had to wait until Monday to set that up with the nurse. In the meantime, the family took a quick trip up to Ryan's for the weekend. It seemed like a great time to leave town, get away and have some family fun.
Monday dawned bright and early, and I made my call to the nurse at 9 A.M. She called me back at 1:30! After answering all the questions I had, she told me that the next step was to get my consent forms signed. Since those had to be done in person, and the doctor was to be out of the office on Tuesday (thus meaning Wednesday was the earliest I could get the last procedure scheduled), I volunteered to make the trek back to the doctor's office. We got all of the "stuff" taken care of, got my procedure scheduled and set the chemo start date for Monday, the 20th at 10:45.
I actually have a date to start chemo! Who would think that something so trivial would be so exciting? I am sure as Monday gets closer, there will be less thrilling thoughts and more nervous ones in my head, but for right now, I am just happy to be able to have a date. It has been getting very stale to have to keep telling everyone "next week" for a start time. But, I was just passing along the information I was receiving. God has been working on everyone's patience throughout this process. And this will not be a short process, to be sure, so there will be plenty of time to learn patience and other virtues. As it stands now, I will be having weekly treatments for 24 weeks, with
big chemo days happening every three weeks and lesser treatments the other weeks. After those 6 months are up, I am scheduled to have surgery, followed by 6-8 weeks of radiation. There will be additional chemo after radiation, but it will be just one drug administered every 3 weeks, for the remainer of a year. Phew! Does this sound like a lot to anyone else but me? I have decided that, just like everything else, the best way to tackle this schedule will be one week at a time (reminds me of that old song, "One day at a time, sweet Jesus...").
So, it seems as though there is light at the end of this seemingly endless tunnel on the road to starting treatment. The rest of this week will be spent taking care of more details around the house....Quicken, laundry, shopping for a
cranial hair prosthesis (code name for
wig), maybe some income tax prep....all sorts of fun. Things that are
mine to do need to get done while I am feeling well. Who knows what next week will bring?
"I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth"~Psalm 121: 1, 2
Bone scan results......a bit late
With all of the hubbub surrounding Monday's surgery, plus having out of town guests, I forgot to mention that we got the results of my bone scan. The scan showed "no evidence of metastatic disease", which in layman's terms means
NEGATIVE!Now, it did show some "abnormalities" in my feet, which the doctor says is probably arthritis. I'll take arthritic feet any day......plus it gives Michael another reason to make jokes about my feet.
"Praise ye the LORD. O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good; and his mercy endureth for ever." ~Psalm 106:1
Nothing is ever easy....
After having the surgery for the port on Monday, I thought Tuesday would be a breeze. All I had left was the heart scan. This scan (affectionately known as "MUGA") is another one of those where they inject you with radioactivity, make you wait for a while and then put you on one of those "slabs" to take pictures of your insides (specifically here, the heart). So, I headed to the hospital, got my injection and waited my 20 minutes for them to call me back. While waiting, I began to feel very cold; I assumed that I was nervous about the test. I asked them for 2 blankets while I was on the table, and even then, I still felt chilled. It was all I could do to lie perfectly still for 45 minutes.
Shaking as I walked to the car, I considered driving straight to the doctor's office, but I drove home instead. I was sure I had a fever, but I wanted to take my temp to be sure. Sure enough, I was running a temperature of 102. Peachy! I don't think there were enough blankets in the house to get me warm. Michael even plugged in the heating pad and put it under my feet for me. Well, the surgery discharge papers state to call your doctor if you have a temperature of over 102, so Michael called. After verifying that I had been taking the prescribed antibiotic, they advised him to give me some Tylenol and watch to see what happens. And....if the fever was to go back up, over 102, he should take me to ER.
So began our night. Hot one minute, cold the next. Taking Tylenol every 6 hours and checking my temp every few hours. The fever never did get up over 102, but it was close a few times. I really did
not want to go to ER. All of this time, I had been assuming that this was an infection from the surgery, but the incision site wasn't red. Sore, but not inflamed. When I was up at 5 this morning, I was nauseous, too, and began to wondering if this might be a flu bug instead. Guess we won't know that unless others get sick!
Here I sit now, in the early afternoon, functioning a
bit, thanks to more Tylenol. It's not like I have unlimited time to spare, lying around in bed feeling sick. My hope is that this afflication (whatever it is) will be gone soon and life can continue. Chemo is to begin next week, and I really want to get started. We will meet with the oncologist on Friday and see what she has to say to us about that. In the meantime, I will go back to the couch, with my Sprite and saltines. And take my temperature in an hour or two.
Another surgery
This morning, I was back in out-patient surgery at Tomball Hospital. Today's procedure was to insert a "port" in my chest....one of the last steps before I start chemotherapy. It was a quick and relatively painless procedure (the needle stick for the I.V. was the worst part, although now that the pain meds are wearing off, I can
feel it more!). Tomorrow is my heart scan (yes, it
should have been Friday but the hospital bungled a bit). Then, I meet on Friday with the oncologist who should have my treatment plan mapped out. I am hoping things
really start next week.
For your information, the port is about the size of a quarter, only thicker, and will show only as a bump underneath the skin. There are several benefits to having a port:
- No need to find a vein every time you receive chemo. A special needle fits right into the port, so all you feel is the stick—not the poking, prodding, and false tries in your arm. The nurse may numb the skin first with ice or a cream, to lessen any feeling at all.
- A port may be especially valuable for women who might be experiencing some swelling of the arm on the side of their surgery.
- The medication goes right into the main blood supply entering the heart, so it can be sent quickly and efficiently to all parts of the body.
- Some types of chemotherapy can be very uncomfortable if injected into a vein just under your skin. The port avoids this potential discomfort.
- Getting blood for blood tests can usually be done through the port, decreasing the number of times you need to have a vein "stuck."
Yesterday marked the one month anniversary of my "routine" mammogram. By the end of the following week, the doctors were telling me I probably had breast cancer. In some ways, this month has gone by so very quickly, running from one test or doctor to the next. But in other ways, time has seemed to drag on while waiting to actually start treatment. Yesterday, I was thinking about really beginning treatment and wondering what it would be like. I realized that the disease was seeming more real again; this waiting/testing period had seemed to dull the urgency of my situation. Last night, I admit that I needed a pep talk from Michael as I poured out my concerns to him. As he calmly reminded me of the truths of Scripture, I was able to go to sleep and rest peacefully, waking refreshed and remembering a stanza of a hymn I read last week:
"Whate’er my God ordains is right. Though now this cup, in drinking, may bitter seem to my faint heart; I take it all unshrinking. My God is true, each morn anew, sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart, and pain and sorrow shall depart." ~Samuel Rodigast (1649-1708)
Count your many blessings......see what God has done!
Today has been a sadder day, by all accounts. I've been reading more cancer sites and learning about what's down the road with chemo. Yesterday, I made my first visits to online wig stores. While I was waiting to have blood drawn at the hospital, I saw an older couple walk through the lobby. The husband was sweetly walking with his arm at his wife's elbow, guiding her along. The wife had on a turban, and it was quite evident that her hair was gone. "That'll be me in a few weeks, " I thought. Adding to this, Kathryn has been playing Bing Crosby singing Irish ballads all day; while I love this Bing CD, the songs make me miss my dad (the way he used to be, whistling "When Irish Eyes Are Smiling").
So, I decided that wallowing in self pity is NOT what God wants from me. But, what
does He want?
- Psalm 92:1 - "It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord, and to sing praises unto Thy name, O Most High"
- Psalm 136:1 - "O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever."
- 1 Thessalonians 5:18 - "In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."
- Psalm 33:20-22 - "Our soul waiteth for the LORD: he is our help and our shield. For our heart shall rejoice in him, because we have trusted in his holy name. Let thy mercy, O LORD, be upon us, according as we hope in thee."
- Psalm 118:24 - "This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it."
- Philippians 4:4 - "Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice."
Obviously, there is a pattern here. I decided to sit down, think about another hymn, "Count Your Blessings," and really take a look at what has been going on these past few weeks. What is amazing is that God has been so loving, merciful and great.....I am rich beyond means.
- Michael's job has provided us with income for many, many months.....income that has met our needs time and time again, even though we sometimes wonder how He will provide. Now, the barns seem to be bursting at the seams as far as work goes....what a blessing!
- Last January 1 (2005), after a couple of years of being paid as an independent contractor, the company put Michael on salary, providing health insurance coverage we had no way of knowing, at that time, that we would so greatly benefit from....what a blessing!
- Last school year, we decided to make a rather significant change in our home schooling curriculum. We had been using a unit study based plan which required a lot of planning and interaction from me. The change freed up my time and gave the girls an opportunity to become more responsible in motivating themselves......now we can see God's hand in providing this blessing, too!
- We are attending a church that not only has a very loving and caring congregation (as evidenced by the gifts of love I have been receiving) but God placed there a woman who is a 10 year survivor of the exact type of cancer I have. She has been a great source of information and encouragement for me - a true blessing!
- 13 years ago, God moved us to the Houston area. We are living by one of the top cancer centers in the country (M.D. Anderson); my oncologist practiced there for 15 years and still confers with her colleagues there. I told Michael I wouldn't ever complain about living in Houston again; while I still miss Chicago, I now consider it a blessing to be here!
- While I have always considered Michael and the children blessings, I have such a greater appreciation of the time I have with them.....because it is apparent that nothing is guaranteed
- Most importantly, I know that I have the blessing of eternal life, made possible by the One who bore all of my grief and sorrows long before I was ever on this earth. What more could I ask for?
"Count your many blessings, name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done." ~Amen!
Be Still, My Soul.......
The first Sunday after the Friday appointment with the GYN, when she told me I probably had cancer and should see a surgeon promptly, Michael and I barely made it through a very difficult church service. Pastor was preaching out of Lamentations, and if that wasn't hard enough, the final hymn was
Be Still, My Soul. As I read the words and choked back the tears, I knew that I would be referring back to those words many times in the days and weeks to come. More than once since then, I have been reminded to "leave to thy God to order and provide." Again today, I needed to look to Him as I felt the frustration of not being able to schedule an appointment with my oncologist for another week. I just want to start this chemo; I am so tired of waiting. Michael tried to cheer me up, telling me that this means I will have another week of feeling good before the drugs start.
Thank you, God, for undertaking to guide my future, as You have guided my past over all these years.
Be Still, My Soul
Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.
Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.
Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, be leaving, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.
