Looking ahead.............
At the end of a long, hard week, this hymn reminds me of what is really important.
When We See Christ (by Esther Kerr Rusthoi)
Oft times the day seems long, our trials hard to bear,
We're tempted to complain, to murmur and despair;
But Christ will soon appear to catch His Bride away,
All tears forever over in God's eternal day.
It will be worth it all when we see Jesus,
Life's trials will seem so small when we see Christ;
One glimpse of His dear face all sorrow will erase,
So bravely run the race till we see Christ.
Sometimes the sky looks dark with not a ray of light,
We're tossed and driven on , no human help in sight;
But there is one in heav'n who knows our deepest care,
Let Jesus solve your problem - just go to Him in pray'r.
It will be worth it all when we see Jesus,
Life's trials will seem so small when we see Christ;
One glimpse of His dear face all sorrow will erase,
So bravely run the race till we see Christ.
Life's day will soon be o'er, all storms forever past,
We'll cross the great divide, to glory, safe at last;
We'll share the joys of heav'n - a harp, a home, a crown,
The tempter will be banished, we'll lay our burden down.
It will be worth it all when we see Jesus,
Life's trials will seem so small when we see Christ;
One glimpse of His dear face all sorrow will erase,
So bravely run the race till we see Christ.
Monday morning surprises........
This week's treatment appointement was at 9 AM; I was very happy since my last 3 or 4 appointments have been closer to noon. I figured that since this was a shorter appointment, I would be out of there by 10:30 or so and then head happily back home to tackle the week. HA!
What I did
not know was that I was due a chemo treatment again this week. What's worse is that I didn't find it out until I was ready to leave, as the nurse was setting me up with another bag! Talk about confusion! Here I was saying, "What's up with this? I had my chemo last week!" There was Nurse Denise saying, "Let me go check." I could hear mumbling in the room across the hall as she checked my chart and spoke with someone whom I couldn't see. Then she marched right back in, hooked up the second bag, and told me, "I was right! You get the Taxotere on days 1 and 8. Now stop trying to confuse me!" Of course, all of this was said with a smile; the oncology nurses are so nice and really do care about all of us.
Anyway, I wasn't happy that I had to sit for another hour and a half, getting another chemo treatment. What caused the mix up? I am not quite sure. I do know that when I got home yesterday, I read my chemo calendar and saw the word "chemo" written in the square, along with Herceptin and labs. Did I notice this before? No, but I had only checked the calendar for my appointment time. The most puzzling thing is that I am
sure that the nurse who made the calendar for me and who explains all the details of the treatments never told me about this. I am certain I would remember, if she had. Oh well, c'est la vie, I always say.
Having to get another treatment wasn't the worst thing in the world. Sure, I got out later than I had hoped, but I took a lunch detour to Panera Bread for a Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich as a consolation prize. What bothered me more was that I was expecting one thing and got another. What I was expecting was a week where my body would get a chance to recover from last week's treatment. What I got instead was another hit to the immune system and another chance to watch for more side effects. The Decadron they gave me kept me awake until nearly 3 this morning; I really don't want to start a cycle of taking something to help me sleep. I asked Michael to cancel the vet appointment I had made for this morning, and I was able to get a 2 hour nap, until the neighbor's lawn care service woke me up. I feel
much better now!
This week won't be as busy as others. My dad was discharged yesterday from the hospital, so I don't have that issue to deal with anymore. I
should (she says with skepticism) have my MUGA scan at the hospital on Thursday, and there is always piano on Friday. Of course, the in-house "to do" list is never-ending, but what else is new?
So today, I am thanking the Lord for extra chemo treatments to kill those pesky cancer cells, the insurance coverage we have that pays for them, the initiative and discipline the girls have that enables me to give them assignments they can do while I nap (!), and a husband who will take the dog to the vet on Saturday, so I didn't have to today!
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"~Psalm 27:1
No MUGA today.......
Don't you hate it when you are practically on your way OUT the door for an appointment, and someone calls to CANCEL it?! That is what just happened with my heart scan (MUGA). It wouldn't be so irritating except that Tomball Hospital and I have an adversarial relationship when it comes to this particular teat. In January, when I was in the throes of testing AND dealing with the news of this diagnosis, they rescheduled the test without my knowledge....so, when I went there, they said, "Oh, you have been rescheduled for Monday." Grrr, you can be sure that Patient Relations heard from me on that one!
This time, I was barely home from scheduling the test before they were calling to reschedule it.....for today. This was two weeks ago. Just a few minutes ago, I was getting ready to leave to go over to the hospital when I received a call to reschedule the test AGAIN. Sigh. Don't ask me why....something about new software and the cameras not working properly....blah, blah, blah. He lost me at, "we need to reschedule."
Anyway, my new test date is next Thursday. Now, I still have to go out to run the errands that I saved for that trip. So much for fuel economy today!
FYI, an update on this week's side effects - definite fatigue, as my sleep patterns have been disrupted, although it isn't anything a nap or two won't cure (if there is time for a nap!), gastrointestinal distress of MAJOR proportions (how does one put that delicately?), and enough reflux to bring me back to eating mostly "white" food again. The possible issues with my hands and feets (pain, redness, and tingling) haven't manifested themselves yet, so I am glad about that.
Off to take care of the rest of life!
Started phase two.........
Yesterday was round 1 of phase 2. Two new drugs, along with my buddy Herceptin. I also saw the doctor as is the norm for chemo weeks. She had the results back from last Tuesday's PET scan, and the news was good. In layman's terms. the tumor in the breast is no longer visible, and the lymph node has decreased in size from 2.7 cm to 1.6 cm. The skin thickening is still there, but it as noted now as minimal. The report states, "These results are compatible with favorable response to therapy." Oh, and there were no other spots seen! Praise the Lord for answered prayer!
It still remains to be seen how these new drugs will affect my body and which side effects will show up. I had a very sleepless night last night which is normal due to the steriods they give before the chemo infusion. Other than fatigue, I feel fairly well today. I am hoping that this continues for the rest of the week. I still need to monitor my weight, temp and every little ache, pain or sniffle that I feel. I have a whole new arsenal of drugs on my desk to combat the myriad of side effects which might show up. I am hoping that the bottles never are opened, but at least they are here, if I need them.
I received a very encouraging e-mail from an online friend in IL this past weekend. She is in the midst of a battle with ovarian cancer; she is a sweet sister in the Lord who has been a kindred spirit to me during this time. In her note to me, she encouraged me to look at this new course of meds as "reserve warriors saved to add their brawn to the fray." Before each treatment, we pray that the Lord will use the drugs to fight off the cancer, and this was a good reminder to me that this really is a battle and God is at the head of the campaign. What a comfort it is to know that I don't have to be the one in charge.
I have my heart scan scheduled for Friday; it's not my most favorite test, but at least I don't need to drink barium for it! My doctor said my heart sounded fine yesterday, so she doesn't anticipate any problems. Herceptin is known to cause weakened heart muscle, though, so they need to check things out every 3 months or so. Prayers for a strong heart would be appreciated!
Thanks to all who have written, called, sent food, flowers and gifts lately. Your gestures of love are much appreciated and welcomed. Most of all, I know you are praying for me and the family and that means the world to me. Your petitions before the throne of grace are what help us to put one foot in front of the other on this walk of faith. Thank you for being our partners in this walk.
Put Thou Thy Trust in God (Paul Gerhardt, 1656, translated from German to English by John Wesley in 1739)
Put thou thy trust in God,In duty’s path go on;Walk in His strength with faith and hope,So shall thy work be done.Commit thy ways to Him,Thy works into His hands,And rest on His unchanging Word,Who Heav’n and earth commands.Though years on years roll on,His cov’nant shall endure;Though clouds and darkness hide His path,The promised grace is sure.Give to the winds Thy fears;Hope, and be undismayed;God hears thy sighs and counts thy tears;God shall lift up thy head.Through waves, and clouds, and storms,His power will clear thy way;Wait thou His time, the darkest nightShall end in brightest day.Leave to His sovereign swayTo choose and to command;So shalt thou, wond’ring, own His way,How wise, how strong His hand.
Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk
I have a friend named Jaybird. Well, that's really not her name but her online name. She is training right now for a very important event in her city. It's called the Breast Cancer 3-Day. That's right....Jaybird is working hard now so she can walk 60 (yes, sixty!) miles over 3 days to raise money to help fund research for to help find a cure for breast cancer.
I told her that I wanted to help her reach her support goal, so I would tell you about her efforts here. If you are interested in learning more, please visit her
fundraising page. Please consider a small donation to the cause. Just in my own extended family alone, there have been 6 women besides myself who have been touched by this disease. If I was to include friends and acquaintances in that total, I would need more than my 2 hands to count. It's sad, but true.
I'm on Jaybird's team - how about you?
Trying to get through the list........
This is a very busy week for me. I am finding that I need to try to plan things around the chemo weeks. So, this week I have planned something which takes me away from the house each and every day of the week. The week looks something like this:
Monday - drive to doctor's office for Herceptin treatment
Tuesday - 8 AM PET scan, followed by
quick trip to mall (yeah, right) and Sam's
Wednesday - orthodontist appointment for Kathryn
Thursday - take Meaghan and friends out for a
very belated birthday lunch
Friday - piano lesson
Saturday - baby shower and dinner with friends
Of course, this does nothing to help me get through me "in the house" to do list, but that's another story.
I told Michael yesterday, after returning from the mall, that I wish I had the stamina I used to have (maybe when I was 25? LOL!). I was out for nearly 6 hours and came home
very tired. I also needed to stop by the pharmacy yesterday to fill new prescriptions to start the new chemo drugs on Monday. I need eye drops to help counteract a possible side effect; I need stuff to help ward off yeast infections.....the list goes on.....It's really all fine, but it is a bit hard to keep track of everything!
I'm dealing with some joint pain this morning. Actually, it was late yesterday, too. So, I need to call the nurses to see what I can take. In the past, if I ever had an ache similar to this, I would take Advil. But, I'm not supposed to take that now, so I need to see if they have an alternative for me. Not that I
really want to take something
else, after all, but the pain is making me uncomforatble enough I would like it to go away!
Lest anyone think I am being a "whiner-baby," things here are actually going quite well! We have a long-awaited new refrigerator which is making all sorts of ice now. We are finishing up with our school year and making plans for what new classes we will take on for the summer. Work is going well for Michael. He's putting in lots of hours, but what else is new? God is blessing in so many areas, it's hard to list them all!
Speaking of blessings......I just got a very unexpected flower delivery. There is a beautiful vase of flowers sitting in front of me now, accompanied by a wonderfully encouraging note. What a loving gift from some very special friends. And what a great way to start out the day! I think it is so neat how God knows just the right times to send blessings by our way.
"Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not his benefits: who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases." ~Psalm 103: 1-2
Coming out of the fog......slowly......
Last week is a blur. I walked out of the doctor's office in a fog and never really woke up all week long! Why was this chemo treatment so rough? Who knows; all I can say is that last week's "to do" list has rolled over to this week's. I still have to schedule the PET and heart scans. I think I will try to get that done today, too.
"White" food has become a staple in my life. White bread, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, rice, saltines.....get the picture? It seems as though anything with too much "color" sets off a chain reaction in my digestive tract. The heartburn alone is overwhelming at times. This creates problems in the meal planning department here, too. I have found it hard to get the creative juices flowing when I have no desire to eat the food....or can't eat the food. Having Michael and Justin out of town may be God's way of dealing with this for me. The girls are much more flexible and forgiving than hungry men!
All in all, things are going well. Indigestion, digestive troubles and fatigue are minor complaints in the grand scheme of things. Having a head that resembles a beloved character out of a Charlie Brown comic is a minor thing, too. I have so many things to be thankful for - family, friends, and most importantly, a Heavenly Father who is holding my hand each step of this uncertain path. When I am weak, He is strong.
What a Friend We Have in Jesus (Joseph M. Scriven, 1855)
What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.
Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he'll take and shield thee;
thou wilt find a solace there.
Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised
Thou wilt all our burdens bear;
May we ever, Lord, be bringing
All to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright, unclouded,
There will be no need for prayer—
Rapture, praise, and endless worship
Will be our sweet portion there.
